Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for Northwest Arkansas…
Pinnacle Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at Village On The Creeks. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a half million dollar, cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with an augmented version.
Farmington Barbie
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Bentonville Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School
Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
Springdale Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too> small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Rogers Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and
drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Also available with a
mobile home, fake fingernails, and Percocet prescription available.
Huntsville Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Oakhurst Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans and a see-through halter-top.
Dickson Street Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two “on the square” Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Walton Arts Center Barbie
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts…
Delaware County, Oklahoma Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills) …unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what
you are talking about.
