The Centers for Disease Control have issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The infection is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced “gonna re-elect him”). Many individuals have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, despite having taken measures to protect themselves.
Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:
…Antisocial personality disorder traits.
…Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor.
…Chronic mangling of the English language.
…Extreme cognitive dissonance.
…Inability to incorporate new information.
…Pronounced xenophobia.
…Inability to accept responsibility for actions.
…Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
…Uncontrolled facial smirking.
…Ignorance of geography and history.
…Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies.
…A strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.
This disease is sweeping Washington, DC and may spread well beyond. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this infection originated only a few years ago in a small Texas bush.
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