manners question re: loud music

Whistle
1

OK, let me set this up a little bit. I just want to know what people here think.

I live behind a little church.

Sometimes I play loud music (as in on a cd player) or am playing loud music on whistle, etc., as they are coming out of church and gathering in the lot, etc., and my grandma who goes to that church has told me that I should be quiet while the church people are there, and not play music while they’re having church, etc. Sound reasonable?

Well, the thing is that THEY have really loud gospel singing (usually indoor, but this 4th it’s going to be outdoors) and usually a guitar, amplified etc., and it’s a hundred times louder than anything coming out my window. But they’re allowed to get by with all the noise because they’re a church.

I find that unfair and stupid. So, I play whatever I want, if it happens there are people in church or in the lot, then so be it. It might happen that I’m asleep when they have a gospel sing (as does happen), it works both ways and I don’t think they should be allowed to get away with it simply because they’re a chuch and I’m not.

What do you think?

2

Give & take!
Live & let live!

If you think it will bug you so much…

go out for the day :slight_smile:
Visit friends etc.
Then it won’t get you into trouble/bother you etc,
and you’ll have something nice to do.

2p worth.

HTH

3

i’d be quiet to please my grandmother, and i’d be afraid those church people might hear me, they might invite you to their church and play muic for them :moreevil: , then they’ll have you in their power :moreevil:

4

If I did everything to please her, I’d be dead (you don’t know how true that is, LOL).

It does bother me a little bit that nobody from church besides her has ever said anything to me, and if they wanted to, all they have to do is walk over here and knock. shrug

I actally do like some of their music (read: some), but I don’t send people to tell them to stop, without stopping myself.

I don’t know, mabey they just don’t like to hear songs about gypsies, tramps and thieves. :wink:

5

CITIES! Thats the problem. Too many people, crowded in all too close
together. Of course, it gets on people’s nerves. We are not “herd” animals, like horses, or “pack” animals like wolves. We are not supposed to live all crammed together like that. I sympathize with you for
the crowdeness and the problems of a church next door full of
hipocrats makes it even worse. I hope you can get out on your
own soon to some nice little town where no one will be “in a parking
lot behind you” again.
Good luck,
Lolly

6

Quote @ lollycross

CITIES! Thats the problem. Too many people, crowded in all too close
together. Of course, it gets on people’s nerves. We are not “herd” animals, like horses, or “pack” animals like wolves. We are not supposed to live all crammed together like that. I sympathize with you for
the crowdeness and the problems of a church next door full of
hipocrats makes it even worse. I hope you can get out on your
own soon to some nice little town where no one will be “in a parking
lot behind you” again.
Good luck,
Lolly

No no no…lol. Thanks for sympathizing with me, but I live in the middle of nowhere, behind a church. People here aren’t crammed together at all. It’s just that I’m close to the church. About 15 feet from my door here to the church’s door.

It’s usually quiet here, which I guess makes music more noticable.

The parking lot used to be an old trailer park where the lady with all the cats lived but the church bought it a few years ago and have been having their sings out there sometimes. (They also hide easter eggs in that lot and I can watch them out the window and then go out there and tell all the little kids where they are - but I never do that, of course :roll: .)

7

I’m afraid my opinion may be biased by a not very positive attitude toward most churches, so I ain’t saying nothing, although you might be able to ferret out my opinion by reading between the lines.

8

This is impossible to answer knowing only one side of the story, but I wish you good luck and strength and patience with the people you have to get along with.

Sonja

9

Well, it IS good that you are living way out, as you say. That will make
life so much more relaxed and easy on you most days.
So, I guess I will agree with Easily-Deluted and on Sunday you
just go somewhere…anywhere. If you don’t have a car then walk
a few miles down the road and spend a few hours alone until your
place is quiet again. Its a shame to have to do that, but its more of a
shame that those people are the way they are and haven’t invited you to join them, whether you wanted to or not, especially since they know
your grandmother. Again, good luck and lets hope you find something
to get Sunday mornings back into a nice day for you.
Lolly

10

I guess what I would do is play when I think it won’t bother them and refrain when it will. Like Sunday morning I wouldn’t be cranking AC/DC on the stereo. Or if they’re having an outdoor fiesta I might go read a book. Kinda the same way you might pick the better times to use a leaf blower.

But they know they live in a city and have to deal with noise. Plus, they should be good at forgiveness and turning the other cheek and stuff.

11

i’d be afraid those church people might hear me, they might invite you to their church and play muic for them

A wee little Front Porch concert might be in order, just to insure that this doesnt happen. The idea is to give them the impression that you are pure unrefined evil, a force to be avoided. LOL You will want to wear some tight fitting Leather pants & roll of quarters for effect. Set off some Pyro, and smoke.. make your grand entrance to “Fortuna Imperitu Mundi” blasting over the loud speakers.(like the fabuluous OZ, or any number of Horror movies) And with an amplified whistle Play along with “Wolf & Man” (Metallicca).. “I hunt, therfor I am, harvest the land..taking the fallen lamb!”, then a few other choice numbers like the “4 Horsemen”, “Seek and Destroy”, then maybe some OZ covers..

I think that as long as you dont actually go with the above scenario.. the minor few decibles your whistling produces should not be a problem.

What happens if a noisey truck, or worse yet a booming rap car drives by?? Certainly you are the least of their worries. OF course, on the other hand half of their sermons might be about you…

12

Hi, Cranberry.

This situation is loaded in just about every direction I can think of.

I guess it all comes down to what you want to get out of it.

I’m going to assume, if you’re anything like I was at 19 or even at 50, breaking loose and asserting your autonomy in the world is a strong motivator. Any situation where someone else’s rules or way of doing things infringes, is grating – particularly if their way doesn’t make sense from your point of view.

I would say that, ultimately, the issue is power. As long as you feel they have some power over you, the natural tendency will be to push back in some way, like playing your CD’s loudly while they’re in church. If you can get to a place where you feel their opinions and ways of doing things don’t matter any more, it will be easier to let them be and do their thing without your clashing with them.

One way to gain a sense of power over someone is to present them with nothing to disapprove of or argue with outside of matters of important principle.

People seem to love an argument. If you choose carefully which arguments you actually want, and systematically avoid controversies you don’t want, you’ll probably find most people are easier to get along with and you have more influence and credibility when you do choose to stand up for something important.

I would suggest that playing your CD’s loudly during church isn’t really an important matter of principle. If you think it is, I would then suggest that you consider the likelihood that treating little things like that as matters of principle that must be fought over dilutes your credibility when you want to discuss things that are much more important.

The more you can pick your battles thoughtfully and be otherwise as nonthreatening as you can, the more you are likely to discover that you’re in control because you’ve chosen not to be pulled into a needless controversy. You’ve chosen not to become hooked, which means you’ve chosen not to lose your power in the situation.

On the other hand, many people seem to need controversy for no other reason than to feel connected with the rest of humanity. You’ve got a situation there that’s well suited for that, if you want to play it that way. You can go round and round with your grandmother and the church folk over this if it serves your purposes.

I think the best solution would be if you could find a way to accomodate the church people’s activities without feeling imposed on yourself. You do gain power over them if you deprive them of anything trivial to criticize you for. And, misguided though they may be from your point of view, church is important to them, whether you approve or not. If you figure out how to accomodate them without feeling taken advantage of yourself, you may find that they give you more leeway from their side, too and the whole exchange changes tone.

FWIW,
Jerry

13

Jerry, no one on this board can match you when it comes to upaya.

Now forget I said that. :laughing:

14

How about a nice recording of the Muslim call to prayer…so haunting …so beautiful…so loud.

The best way to deal with the situation is not to let it escalate. I take it that they only do this once a week, and that might be time to take a nice healthy walk and think positive thoughts. Bring the whistle and find a nice peaceful spot to sit and think about some song worth working on. Be bigger than they are. MY experience with churches is that they are better left alone unmolested. Evil does’nt wear tight jeans and drink beer…it wears nice slacks and a tastless tie and jacket. :devil:

And some of those folks might actually be pretty good folks who you would not otherwise want to disturb being a nice person yourself. The ones that are the local hypocrits would just succeed in pillorying you in their little conclaves and in the end you would pay in every little unpleasant way they could devise to make your life difficult. You would give them a fine entertainment. My 2 cents says don’t throw rocks at a beehive even if the buzzing is annoying.

15

Oh, I forgot,
Winter is coming soon too, and you will have all your windows closed and a noisy furnace running and you won’t have to hear them at all!
(unless you live in one of those “warm” states!)
So, tell, us, will you take a walk next Sun. a.m.?
Lolly

16

There is also the sociology of community vs individual. Your music interferes with a community activity…their music interferes with an individual(s).

17

In The Art of War, Sun Tzu says: “If equally matched, we can offer battle; if slightly inferior in numbers, we can avoid the enemy; if quite unequal in every way, we can flee from him. Though an obstinate fight may be made by a small force, in the end it must be captured by the larger force.”

I think this means to take a walk on Sunday mornings. :slight_smile:

18

Sounds to me like nobody in the church is actually complaining, just your granny. I would prolly’ just keep on like you are until someone actually complains to you (which might not even happen.)

I mean think about it… if you can hear their music, how loud is your lil whistle gonna sound? Or a cd for that matter…

19

Take the high road, be a nice person and hold things down during the services. There’s nothing wrong with being considerate even if you don’t feel it’s reciprocated.

20

Headphones work well for me when others might be disturbed by my stereo. When I’m the one being disturbed (often, since I sleep during the day), earplugs do the trick.

I practice whistle and fife only during reasonable hours - afternoon and early evening. I live in a townhouse, attached to the neighbors on both sides, and haven’t ever had a complaint.