Let’s start a really good rumor that totally makes it all over the internet and then when it gets researched and gets found out that a bunch of whistle players started the whole thing, we could make whistle playing totally cool and Dale would have to go on the Today show to explain things causing Doug Tipple to get his own time slot on QVC. OK?
(oops, I meant to post this in the pub. I bet a moderator moves it there.)
At your service. 
How about “Sources reveal that Barack Obama is really Irish”
KAC
Oak whistles outgas a chemical that makes your lips numb and is twice as addictive as craic cocaine.
–Jhamzheth
P.S. It givesh you a lithsp, too.
Sounds good to me.
“Unnamed sources have revealed Barack Obama is of Irish descent. The family name was originally spelled O’Bama. Requests for information from the Obama camp have gone unanswered.”
Let’s say that Andrea Corr is having a wild, steamy love affair with a high-ranking C&F member, but leave him (or her) un-named for the time being. Maybe there is even a bun in that oven. (Surely I’m not the only one who knows what’s going on?)
We will need some doctored pictures and some spliced-together audio and video to get it started, but after it takes off it has a life of its own. We can do it.
naw, she’s too scrawny for Bloo…
I don’t think she’s his “type,” dude. 
I was actually thinking about Walden. What a scandal that would be, eh?
(No harm meant to Mr. Walden, of course.)
I’m not a high-ranking member, but if you need a volunteer… 
No, I didn’t think so either…
Walden, eh…
Yer jes’ tryin’ to get sent to yer room, ain’t ya?
Well, reporting that “Everybody is well behaved and do exactly what is expected of them,” that wouldn’t make a very good rumor.
That’s alright. We broke up, so another high ranking C&F member can have the wild, steamy love affair now.
She cooked a great breakfast before she left:
PVC on QVC! 
Cork Grease is an aphrodisiac.
The whole “destruction of the rainforest” thing is entirely made up by greenpeace and WWF who are in fact huge money making machines and give a rat’s ass about the environment. The rainforest was never better (no wonder, considering the mild climate).
Another invention of Greenpeace is whaling. Whales actually never really existed. The people of Greenpeace just found it intreeguing to claim that “Moby Dick” was actually about a real creature. All the pictures are CGI. The things that whalewatchers see are actually just big grey rubber backs that are mounted on little submarines…
Whistle playing increases longevity. Scientists today announced that Irish Penny Whistle playing increases life expectancy by 15%. Studies have shown that whistle playing improves chest muscle tone which in turn increases lung capacity. Increased lung capacity is directly tied to more efficent cellular respiration and reduces the likelihood of plaque build-up in both cardiovascular tissue and vascular tissue of the brain. There is some reason to believe this may also be true for Great Highland Bagpipe players too. There was no explanation given as to why only these two instruments are beneficial. (reported from “The Leech”)
…however, playing recorder results in spontaneous combustion.
Good one, Jack.
John McCain’s love child works for the Israeli Secret Service and was expelled from the US for spying on our military.
Yeah, but that’s not a rumor.
That’s a fact!