Inspired by another thread, please share your favorite “kid-isms”, those priceless pearls, purportedly penned by progeny (couldn’t resist the alliteration).
Here’s one said by my daughter (now 11) who was around 4 at the time:
My great grandfather always had the habit of greeting people with “you’re real.” When I first learned to talk, my mother said “we thought about naming you Israel,” to which I responded “Grandpa Thompson says me is real!”
There can only be one Art Linklettuce.
djm
What kid said that? That’s not funny … 
No no, it’s spelled “Bill Cosby.”
“Look,” says the five year old, thrusting his tiny hand in front of my face, “I cut my hand so deep you can see my liver!”
The six year old learning English as a Second Language suddenly has that expression on his face that tells me the light just went on. “Mule?!” he asks, looking at the new word in front of him. “Mule! I know that! That’s what I had for breakfast today!” Of course, I ask him if he’s sure about that. “Yep! I had oatmule for breakfast!”
Just yesterday, from a 10 year old boy. “I won’t be at school tomorrow because I’m having an operation. I’ll be back on Wednesday.” When I asked if everything was OK, he said, “Yep. The doctor is taking out a cyst from my uterus.” His mother clarified after school that the cyst is actually located in his urethra. I had kinda figured that one out myself.
Last year we watched a video about the great hockey player, Rocket Richard. At one point, having seen the movie endless times, I tuned out and was marking some kids’ work at my desk. One of the girls leapt from her chair, came over, and whispered, “Did you hear that guy swearing?!” I was stunned because I was sure it was a kosher video. I made a mental note of the precise timecount on the VCR so I could rewind after school and check it out. Sure enough, I found the offending comment. “Rocket Richard was the shiftiest player on the ice.”
I called her folks and we had a good chuckle.
And finally, from the new kid who looks at the picture of me on the wall and has a concerned look on her face. It’s the black and white picture taken last summer at Alcatraz, with me glumly peering from behind bars. “Were you really in prison?” she asks. “Of course not!” I reply. “If I had been in prison, I’d be really ashamed and wouldn’t have a picture of it on the wall. That would be really embarrassing and I wouldn’t want everyone to know.”
And next came the line that stopped me cold. “My Dad’s in prison!”
Jef
To understand the humor in this, you first need to know I am bald:
While driving one day, I tilted my head back to stretch a kink out of my neck. my daughter in the back seat said: Daddy, please don’t do that…the glare off your head is blinding me!"
When Kevin was really young (not talking yet) I would take him on nature walks around our apartment complex. I pointed out leaves, flowers, rocks, trees, birds, bugs, dogs…
The first words he learned were “boogh” (bug) and “bup-pup” (bird poop). A boogh was anything small that moved, such as a bug, something blowing in the wind, or fish in an aquarium at the pet store. “Bup-pup” was any kind of spot-- bird poop on the pavement, ketchup spot on the tablecloth, polka dot patterns…
Waaaay fast foreward, this happened early this summer. Kevin’s 11 now.
We’ve been watching Monty Python DVD’s as a way of introducing our son to the basics of his Geek heritage. So, it was a beautiful summer night, and Kevin and I were looking at the stars, and we saw blinking lights, the first lightning bugs of summer. We admired them a bit and he asked me why they flash. I said it was pre-mating behavior. Kevin comes out with “Nudge nudge, blink-blink, say no more”
“I want to learn to play the tin whistle!”
My nephew’s name is Benjamin. He became excited to learn that another Benjamin [Franklin] is on the $100 bill, though he at first believed that’s “Benjamin Lincoln.”
My sister was in a check out line at Target recently. There was a small boy quite close by, rummaging thru’ the odds and ends always for sale right at child level. When Rhonnie decided that another line was moving faster she headed that way. The boy hopped up and started to follow her, then realized his mistake and scampered back to Mom.
His loud comment as he trotted back to his Mother—" Mom, that lady has a bottom just like yours!"
a while back, a child named Ronnie had pink eye, and i said, “uh-oh Ronnie, you have pink eye.” he started crying and said “no, i have blue eyes.”
last week we were going over the letter F, i asked each child what word starts with the letter F. i got firetruck, football, yankees are fugazi, floor, fan, when i went to a child who hardly talks, he looks at me and starts to think, then he goes f-f-f-f***. and all the kids go yea, f*** is a good one, good job Lucas.
i got a whole lot more written down, i will try and find them, then post them up.