They wanted me to play clarinet, but I was having none of that: it was to be French horn for me, or nothing. So, it was nothing. That was the extent of my high school band experience.
Actually, some clarinet players use a neckstrap. I knew an amazing player once who always used one. She said it really helped with technical passages and whatnot. Go fig.
sure…SC…ya’d expect a rebel or two 
Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?
Of course there is, but only if the cat’s in good health.
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Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.
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How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he’ll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
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What’s the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
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How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
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What’s the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist’s brain?
An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
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How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
Cut the noose.
How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don’t know where to enter and what key to use.
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What’s the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
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What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
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How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.
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How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes…
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How do you know when a clarinetist has died?
The concertmaster moves them back a chair…
Interesting! Interesting! Hmmm, where did those plans for a tin whistle head strap get off to?!?
… And even when he finds one he likes, he’ll sand the glass down until the light is just right.
See, I can’t laugh at that one, because I played saxophone. And yes, this is a very important process.
Now, I’d play on the “bad” ones. I wasn’t one of those. I would just never perform on them.
well…DUH!!!
I’ve never had many “finding the right reed” issues with the tenor and barri sax. Is it because with smaller reeds, irregularities take up more of the reed?
Oh, I played bari, too, and the reed thing applied. I was a little more lenient because it wasn’t my “main” instrument, but yeah. Might just be a personal thing. I had plenty of friends that would play every reed in a box, regardless. But I had a whole “reed system” with rotations and little markings for how old they were and everything. But then, I’m a strange bird.
I was, mainly, tenor.
I’d buy 3 1/2 and shave them down almost to 2 1/2s with a bit stiffer center. I did the same for alto and soprano, but didn’t bother with the bari.
This was in the 60s, 70s and a bit of the 80s. (Yeah…no current experience!)
You know, I have never played soprano. I’ve always wanted to. I played alto, mainly (Paul Desmond rocks my world), and doubled on bari from time to time. I tried tenor for a while, but hated every second. We just didn’t agree, the tenor and I.
Just a minute …
Are you sure this isn’t right?
There are two operative words:
- Closed-end
- CYLINDRICAL
Saxophones are closed-end CONICAL instruments, so they overblow the octave. Are there any other orchestral instruments that overblow the 12th like a clarinet? I looked up oboe fingering and found that the bottom two octaves finger essentially the same as a penny whistle, which would mean the oboe is either an open-end instrument (like a whistle) or a conical, closed-end instrument. In either case, an oboe, as an example, is not a cylindrical, closed-end instrument.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Well, I think the confusion arose from the prospect of whether or not the clarinet is closed-end. We have been told that it is, though I still don’t understand how it or the saxophone could be closed-end.
might be more than ya wanted to know
http://www.phys.unsw.edu.au/~jw/flutes.v.clarinets.html
http://www.mozart.co.uk/information/articles/woodwindacoustics.htm
The problem is most poignantly illustrated by the clarinet and the soprano sax. The clarinet produces a much lower note than the similarly sized saxophone and overblows at the twelfth rather than the octave. Why?
The difference is only that of a cylindrical tube (clarinet) vs a conical one (saxophone). How does this make such a difference to the properties of the instruments?
It is also worth noting that the flute (cylindrical) and oboe (conical) for example display no differences of this nature - both have approximately the same lowest note and both overblow at the octave. Any credible theory must also explain this.
Reeds are a big reason why I broke up with my tenor sax for the flute. We’ve got two clarinets and I’ve never bothered to try playing. Even bought a new mouthpiece a couple years ago.
I joke about clarinets but where would klezmer be without it?
So you’re not going for the pipes, eh? 
After reading through the pipe forum I can say conclusively “no”.