It’s been a while since we’ve had a thread thread.
I don’t know about you, but I REALLY enjoyed the recent thread about oiling of simple system flutes! What is it about oil that gets the fur up on backs all over the world? And it wasn’t just us Americans tusselling this time, (even though, I’m told, all of the world’s oil really does inherently belong to us). 
I especially enjoyed Loren’s statement of preference for cork joints over thread. Trusting him implicitly, as I do (or should I say ‘did’), I immediately went about de-threading my beloved Burns Standard, with the idea of replacing the linen thread with cork. Now I don’t know if it was the particular wine I chose, but that cork sure was pretty big around the middle! I tried a second bottle. Same problem. I ruminated on this while finishing off a third, but still no luck. This wasn’t getting my flute fixed. Hmmm….. 
Well, you never know until you try. I collected my tools (hacksaw, files, vise, butane torch, hammer, chisel), whispered an apology to Casey, and set to work. First I placed the cork firmly into the head joint. Not so tough. But wow, the bottom half of the flute doesn’t want to fit over that cork. No problem…whittle a bit of cork, file a bit of mopane, take a few taps with the ball-peen, swear a few times, jump on it firmly, and it’s in like Flynn.
Here’s the thing: the flute doesn’t want to play a note. I blew until I was red in the face. Nothing. Well, duh! Here’s my theory, Loren. I say the entire barrel needs to be open, as in (read my lips) H-O-L-L-O-W! This isn’t a darned dog whistle, after all! Sure, you can drill a hole in the cork, I suppose, but you might have thought to suggest that in your rant. Besides, I lost that “chuck” thing you use to fix the drill bit thing onto the electric gun-handle-thing.
Cork, schmork. I’m back to thread. Good thing I saved it on that ball in my closet. (It’s gonna be three feet in diameter by summer!)
Now I’m no dummy. I live in the northern hemisphere, so that means I need to put the windings on clockwise, right? Ok, but I’ve always wanted to visit down under, and I’d really like to take my flute, if I ever do have a chance to go, (especially like if the Republicans win the election in November, or something).. So what then? Wouldn’t having the windings reversed cause a reverse polarity, and maybe throw off the airplane’s compass, or create a tear in the space-time fabric or something. Best not to take chances.
Heh-heh, how’s this for ingenuity? Two winds clockwise, two winds counterclockwise, three winds clockwise, three winds counterclockwise…..and repeat until threading is complete. Perfectly neutral polarity! Anyone know a good patent lawyer?
Thanks, Loren, maybe you inadvertently contributed to a major advancement in the art of flutemaking, after all. Sometimes even the blind squirrel finds a nut. 
I’ll admit this really is taking a long time, though. 
Pardon any errors in my narrative…..I’m multitasking……
