"How I Met My Wife"

[Jack]

This’s a funny little story:

http://explorepdx.com/winter.html

@Jack Winter

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it since I was traveling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn’t be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated - as if this were something I was great shakes at - and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d’oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. “What a perfect nomer,” I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail.

But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love and she has requited it.

[carrie]

That was deniably not the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!

Carol

[SteveK]

@cskinner

That was deniably not the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!

Carol

I couldn’t fail to disagree with you less.

[mignal]

Someones been at the Thesaurus.

[djm]

Truly a poor example of antidiscontrarianism if I never saw it.

djm

[Flyingcursor]

I found it very nerving.

[Wombat]

Brilliant. It’s amazing how many negatives don’t have active positives; sort of cliches that have become frozen in idioms.

This reminds me of Victor Borge’s linguistic inflation sketch amongst others. Does anybody remember it? Everything got one added to it. So two became three. One (and Juan) became two. And so on. Contains wonderful lines like: ‘Are you Two; I am Two three’, ‘Anna you look twoterful threenight’ and ‘When she was one and half way through the door.’ But don’t take my word for it; have a listen. On paper the jokes don’t have anywhere near their impact in the sketch.

[emmline]

What a tractable bunch of trarians. I shouldn’t be dignant.

[doogieman]

VERY Poststructural, indeed!

[buddhu]

It really is quite good

[scottielvr]

@emmline

What a tractable bunch of trarians. I shouldn’t be dignant.

I’m censed too, emm; they’re being ordinately solent. Positively iquitous. Maybe they’re all ebriated.

[Random_notes]

This thread is flammatory!

Roger

[Nanohedron]

I am completely whelmed. All this cessant portuning leaves me quite gruntled and appointed.

[Wombat]

@Random notes

This thread is flammatory!

Roger

One of the few cases in the English language where a word and what looks like its opposite mean the same thing. Any other examples?

[Jerry_Freeman]

Slightly off topic, (but not far) …

I believe I may have mentioned my favorite word in the English language is:

biweekly

Definition 1: every two weeks
Definition 2: twice a week

I actually used the word today during a visit to the urologist. (That’s all I’m going to say about it.)

Best wishes,
Jerry

[Jerry_Freeman]

In answer to Wombat’s question:

ravel
unravel

Best wishes,
Jerry

[Joseph_E_Smith]

@Wombat

@Random notes

This thread is flammatory!

Roger

One of the few cases in the English language where a word and what looks like its opposite mean the same thing. Any other examples?

I’m waiting for a malaprop thread myself.

[djm]

@JerryF

biweekly
Definition 1: every two weeks
Definition 2: twice a week

I thought biweekly was twice per week, and diweekly was every two weeks (?).

@JerryF

I actually used the word today during a visit to the urologist.

I’ll bet that pis … er … pressed him.

djm

[Random_notes]

Cleave:
A verb
1 cling, cleave, adhere, stick, cohere
come or be in close contact with; stick or hold together and resist separation;

2 cleave, split, rive
separate or cut with a tool, such as a sharp instrument; “cleave the bone”

http://www.wordreference.com/definition/cleave

I never could figure that one out.

Geo. Carlin was confused by flammable, inflammable and nonflammable. Why were three words required? Either something flams or it doesn’t.

Roger

[carrie]

regardless and irregardless