Don’t stack your firewood pile up to the rafters against the side of your shed.
Why, you ask?
OK, I’ll tell you why: When one of those ridiculously wet, heavy fall snows occurs, the snow will have nowhere to slide off the roof of your shed. And when a thousand pounds or so of wet, heavy snow has no way to go other than down, that’s the way it will go, roof or no roof.
Much to the detriment of your shed.
That’s why.
oh
thanks
Don’t toss garbage in a car on the driver’s side. Always place the trash on the passenger side of the car. Even in the backseat.
Why, you ask?
Stuff like pop cans and coffee cups and baseballs (don’t ask) could roll under the gas and brake peddles and they won’t function, especially right when you need them.
Much to the detriment of you, your car, and possibly other people and things.
That’s why.
Don’t let strange men into your house, no matter how how hot they are, because they might rob you.
Oh!
Best to let the firewood breath, so make sure there’s a breezeway on all sides. This also helps discourage wasps from nesting between the logs. There’s nothing more disconcerting than to have wasps waking up from thawing logs that you brought in last night.
djm
Free advice: for a healthy butt, don’t use colored toilet tissue.
WyoBadger, my sympathies on the discombobulation of your shed.
–James
There’s always a reason to believe things could be worse. At least my logs are wasp-free…
Sorry about the shed, but the wood should go in the shed which is why it’s called a wood shed. Don’t tell me you were never invited to visit one whilst growing up?
Sometimes at night I just lie there looking up at the stars and I think man, I need to fix the roof.
Jack Handy
Yup, and I keep all my spare panes of glass in my glasshouse. The real benefit is I don’t need to even open the glasshouse to see the glass inside.
Or if you’re traditional, you keep any spare green in a greenhouse.
Free Advice: Never sneeze with a mouthful of soda while using a computer.
sheds…yeh, hahaha that s a good one…
now for some some city wisdom 
…
When driving through a bad part of town, turn your music off and open the window…you can always hear trouble before you see it.
What to do if you hear gunshots? hit the ground. get down low.
Whenever you see more than two police cars in one place, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE FAST!
If you must leave your car parked in a dicey place, put everything of any value in the trunk: a full car is a temptation.
If someone is walking toward your moving car as you drive, do not slow down.
If someone reaches in your car, floor it. Better if you can grab their arm first and give them a “lift”.
Never use a piece of aluminum foil as a pot holder.
Free firewood advice:
Only use hardwood from trees cut down in the winter. Always have a two year supply, in other words a chord progession.
We call that “toilet tissue of color” now.
Yes, I tend to avoid police stations, too.
Nice idea. You could give each chord a letter, so you knew which was which. The chord that was farthest from the house would be the chord that was hard to reach. 
The stacks that aren’t aged enough to use yet are your minor chords.
I always like to cut my own, otherwise you rarely get a full chord.
Yeah, last summer my pickup rolled over with a load of wood.
(taking a deep breath before taking the joke one step farther than it really wants to go)
I never liked inverted chords.