I posted this on The Harp Column, but figured folks here might like it too.
My teacher and I were having a laugh the other day over the idea of a “Harpolympics.” Here are the proposed events (feel free to add your own):
Advanced harp case wresting: Contestants must get a 46-string harp into a cloth gig bag without knocking over anything or dropping the harp on your toe. Fastest time wins. Points deducted for excessive swearing.
Harp string relay: Each team must re-string a concert grand, one person per string, in relay. Last person to go on each team must tune the harp and play “Pachelbel’s Canon in D.” Points deducted for excessive swearing, dropped harp wrenchs, missed notes and bursting into tears.
Harp steeplechase: Contestants must carry a medium-sized floor harp from one point to another while negotiating various obstacles, including spiral staircases; narrow dog-leg choir loft staircases, milling crowds, at least one fence and a field filled with chuck holes. Extra points awarded for picking field with angry bull. Points deducted for dropping harp, falling, using harp as a bludgeon and, yes, for excessive swearing. Winner gets to play “Pachelbel’s Canon in D” for the wedding on the other side of the chuck hole/bull field.
Harp dolly slalom: In this relay, contestants weave dollies carrying full-sized pedal harps among people in formalwear. Best time wins. Points deducted for dropping the harp, tripping over the dolly, running pantyhose, running over people and, yes…excessive swearing. Double points deducted for running over the bride.
100-yard harp dash: Contestants must run 100 yards carrying a medium-sized floor harp (case optional). Ladies in heels, please. Advanced division: Must run the last 50 yard uphill, pursued by angry bees.
Redwolf
