EEEEEK!!! Oh My!! Ye gods, AUDITIONS!!! YIKES!

Whistle
1

(whew)… I’m still shaking in my tights! Went to the Renaissance Festival audition, wanted to be a “lane musician” this year instead of my old character. I’m supposed to play a fast piece and a slow piece, and do some schtik. Didn’t have to draw a character out of the fishbowl, so I decided to work my old one, the Village Silversmith, down on my luck, shop burned down by angry apprentices, having to sing for me supper.

I’m standing at the door to the audition hall, waiting my turn (next)… I tooted an E on the whistle and hit the high E string on the guitar… a bit flat… turned the tuning key to touch it up. Not even an eighth turn…

SNAP!!! SPROINGGGGGGGggggg… The door opens. It’s my turn. OH RE***DERS!!

I approach the Queen and reverence her. I introduce myself and she recalls that I still owe her a silver cup. I get to explain about the nawsty little poxy brats who burnt me shop to the ground again! I still owe the Exchequer for the last rebuild… She notes the broken string… can I still play for her? Oh, yes, Majesty! I should be happy to!

I struck up the only damn song I could remember, An Maighdean Mhara, in Gaelic. I’d meant to do “The Ash Grove” and “The Keeper”. In ENGLISH. She looks a bit puzzled, so I explain to her, “Majesty, you see, it doesn’t ryhme in English…”… snickers from the auditioner’s table… A cold, fishy glare from Jim, the Creative Director…

Redeem yourself, imbecile! I whipped up my Serpent Copper Viper… would Majesty care to hear a bit of whistle? From the corner of my eye, I glimpse Jim giving the “hurry and get this idiot out of here!!!” sign. But Majesty pays him no mind, and would love to hear a piece or two. I strike up “On Castle Rock”… thankfully, it goes without a hitch… She wants more, balking at Jim… Damn. A fast one! But my fingers immediately cut into “Inis Oirr”… slow air. Halfway through the third measure, my left index finger slips a teensy, and I get the most gawdawful series of squeaks and squawks I’ve ever heard! I yank the whistle out of my mouth and look into it. I shake it out and do a restart. This time, it goes well to the end…

I bid Majesty a farewell… Walk down off the stage, and directly over in front of Jim. Furious, I shake the guitar at him, holding the broken string out… "If ye’d supply yer blacksmith wi’ proper materials, lad, this would nae happen! " I stalked out in high dudgeon. Behind me, the room cracked up… and immediately behind me, comes the Bearer of Bad Tidings… He claps me on the shoulder, spins me around and grabs my hand, pumping …

“You’re in!”


:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

serpent

2

Dude. :party:

3

What a story! I laughed, I cried (OK, so mostly I laughed).
Congrats Serp! I really admire someone who can bounce back after having so much go wrong.

A.J.

4

Kind Sir:

I bow before thee
in honor of your bravery, talent and total genious!
We are not worthy the have the likes of one so talented in our midst.

Pray tell me, noble sir, doust thou attend to the Faire locally or perchance do ye travel to foreign lands perhaps Tuxedo New York or King Richards Faire in MA?

'Twould be a honor to meet thee!

Crystal, Wise Woman

5

Congratulations, Bill.

Now, since I live in an the adjacent land of Illinois and really want to go to a Renaissance event that is not just a thinly disguised SCA hack-em-up, where and when does this event take place?

6

Serp- That is absolutely classic! ROFLMAO! Congratulations on getting in. How could they say no to you? :wink:

7

Here’s all the persevering Serp’ I like! Bravo!

This said I can hardly imagine him in tights…

Il n’est pas nécessaire d’espérer pour entreprendre,
ni de réussir pour persévérer [Guillaume d’Orange]

8

One of the better audition stories I’ve heard in a long time, hope they don’t try to charge you admission, after all, you are the entertainment!

9

From someone who knows the horrors of auditions, and the crazy joy they can sometimes bring after, CONGRATS!! :smiley: Thanks for the great story, and have fun!

10

Everyone: The Kansas City Renaissance Festival opens on the Saturday before Labor Day, and runs through Columbus Day, a total of 16 days over 7 weekends (two of 'em are 3-day weekends). The SCA does have an area there, but this RenFest is run by a corporation. This year, I get to be a PAID ENTERTAINER!!! (Last year I was a green apprentice). We have a cast of around 400 people, and if anyone from C&F would like to come, please let me know well in advance when you’ll be there, and I will have comps waiting for you at the front gate. (I don’t know the exact number of comps I get, yet, so contact me early, please.)

It is a very large permanent ground, multiple stages, permanent lists for the jousts, lots of trees for shade and open areas for sun. Eating places, taverns, you name it. The place covers 16 acres. If I know you’re coming, I will also do my best to arrange accommodations for you with myself & other Rennies.

For the full story, please see the website:
http://www.kcrenfest.com

And thanks to everyone for being so wonderfully supportive! The audition was horrid, spooky, and wonderful, all in one!
Cheers, :smiley:
serpent

11

Zoob, you are such a savage!
:smiley:
serp

12

Huzzah!

Congratulations Serp! :laughing:

13

Finally, I can imagine, with a little help from Mel Brooks…

14

Great tale Serp. “The Whistler’s Tale”. I guess Chaucer missed that one.

I’d love to try to get to the KC faire. I might just be able to. I’ll have to see.

We also have a couple nice faires coming up in Michigan.

Silverleafe the last three weekends in July in Kalamazoo. I’ll be performing there this year. Yikes!

Holly Faire, I think six weeks starting in August through September in Holly MI, near Ann-Arbor.

And a new one which I’ll have to find out about.

15

Starting the second week of RenFest last year, the SongMistress asked me to bring my guitar and accompany the re***ders, bodhran, and fiddles at Town Dance at the front gates. As an offshoot of this, I carried my guitar and whistles with me almost all the time. I had hundreds of people, individuals to medium-sized groups, ask me to play for them. I would stride through the middle of the dancers, out in front of hundreds, sometimes a couple thousand people there, and blast away on whistle, play the guitar loud as possible, sing at the top of my lungs. I never even thought about it. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. I popped strings at least once a week, and went right on playing.

So, with all that, why is a five-minute performance in front of your peers, such an incredibly white-knuckled, jelly-kneed experience?

serpent

16

Serp,

That’s an awesome story! Congrats! I hope to one day follow in your footsteps. I’m saving up my nickels and dimes and might even do it with a genuine Tunable Brass Serpent Low D Whistle (how’s that for a plug? :smiley: ).

Don’t worry about doing this in front of your peers. You don’t care what the regular people think, because if they tell you that you stink, well … what of it? They’ll go home and you’ll never see them again. Ah, but your peers … They’ll be around for a loooooooong time.

You’ll do great, I’m sure. (Trade secret: While you’re playing, just imagine your peers in Spiderman Underoos. :laughing: You might still mess up, but you’ll do it with a smile on your face.)

All the best,

Little John

17

The KC RenFest has been an annual pilgrimage for the gonzos since the wee little gonzos attained an age where they could be shepherded through the woods all day long without whining incessantly. Its permanent facilities are built back in the trees away from the road, so it’s isolated and shady and, except for the first weekend or two, decently cool. It’s an excellent day trip for anyone who lives within easy driving, and those who would have to drive further would still find it worth the while to spend the weekend. (This is the Midwest, so hotels and rental cars are generally plentiful and cheap.) The last three weeks are the best as they are generally beautiful fall weekends. Just check the NASCAR racing schedule because there’s an obscenely huge racetrack within earshot that spoils the effect of the isolation when the sound carries down into the renaissance dells. (This is also when hotels and rental care are definitely not plentiful and cheap, another reason to avoid race weekend.)

Those from out of town are advised to allow time while in KC to visit Rosedale Barbeque. http://www.rbjb.com/rbjb/restaurants/rosedale.htm

Congratulations, goodly serpent. I look forward to seeing you and will certainly enjoy your fine performance, as will, I am sure, the wee little gonzos, who have been trained from a early age to drop a coin in the busker’s hat.