A little comic relief for those of you who can relate.
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Drummers Offense Sheet:
NAME OF DRUMMER: __________________________________
DRUMMERS REAL NAME: _______________________________
(other than “sticks”, “backbeat”, “snake”, “drowned-out” … etc.)
DATE OF OFFENSE(S): _____ / _____ / _______
Setup / Equipment Offenses:
[1] Brings a 36" bass drum…$25.
[2] Has more than one bass drum…$100.
[3] Brings a 10" deep snare (for a solid back beat)…$50.
[4] Brings more than 2 mounted toms…$25.
[5] Has a tubular chrome bar that holds all his mounted toms…$50.
[6] Brings more than one floor tom…$25.
[7] Brings more than one crash cymbal…$25.
[8] Doesn’t bring a ride cymbal…$250.
[9] Brings a 46" Chinese gong (for big endings)…$75.
[10] Brings two timpani (for really big endings)…$100.
[11] Doesn’t bring any brushes…$300.
[12] Has a hi-hat that is welded shut…$250.
[13] Asks leader where he can plug in his headphones…$200.
[14] Wears old black Nike sneakers on tux gig…$50.
[15] Tunes snare drum during the benediction…$175.
Playing Offenses:
[1] Plays eighth note rock ballad style on “Stardust”…$150.
[2] Pretends to read chart with big band…$25.
[3] Actually reads drum part for big band (note for note)…$200.
[4] Asks bass player “Where are we?” on “Happy Birthday”…$100.
[5] Plays disco beat on “A Train”…$200.
[6] Takes fours on “The Bride Cuts the Cake”…$100.
[7] Takes a break when the leader says “A request for Take 5”…$25.
[8] Actually tries to play on “Take 5”…$150.
[9] Asks leader what brushes are…$250.
[10] Plays breaks in “Cute” with sticks…$50.
[11] Plays breaks in “Cute” on timpani…$100.
[12] Plays breaks in “Cute” on Chinese gong…$250.
Other Miscellaneous Offenses:
[1] Mentions to host that "DJs are the wave of the future…$100.
[2] Is first in line at the party’s buffet…$50.
[3] Asks where the “go away bags” are at the buffet line…$100.
[4] Asks the bartender for 3 “Purple Shooters”…$50.
[5] Says to the bride “You’ve got a nice set of hooters”…$25.
[6] Says to the brides mother “Hey this is a f#%*in’ good party”..$150.
[7] Is ten minutes late for the next set…$25.
[8] Is twenty minutes late for the next set…$10.
[9] Never shows up for the next set…$1.
