But if they’re topless, they’re NOT in the habit…
If this is a variant of Chrysippus’ Puzzle, you can stop right now! 
In fact the Pope has said that priests can kiss nuns
as long as they don’t get into the habit.
OK here’s a tasteless Jewish joke.
A man goes into the restroom and
is relieving himself. He says to the fellow
at the next urinal:
Say, do you go to the synagogue over on fourth
street?
Why, yes
Rabbi Weiss was there when you were a kid,
right?
How did you know?
He cuts on a slant and you’re peeing on my leg!
Ok, I vote for Jim’s “…as long as they don’t get into the habit.”
Philo
Why do [insert group to be offended here] have such fine noses?
Because they’re hand picked.
Some more men’s room humor. A guy wants to get his wife something REALLY special for their fifth wedding anniversary, so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He goes home, all proud of his idea, and tells his wife as soon as he’s through the door. The immediately go to the bedroom. She notices something: “I thought you got my name tattooed, but this only says Wy. Did the tattoo artist get tired or something?”
“No, he told me it would read Wendy when it’s erect.” Well it did, and it was such a success that they decided to go to Jamaica and renew their vows.
Their plane touched down, and the husband had to pee. He noticed the guy at the next urinal also had a tattoo. “Is your wife’s name Wendy?” he asked.
“Whatchu talkin’ 'bout,” was the confused reply.
“Well I saw your penis says Wy, and I thought when it was erect it would say Wendy like mine.”
“No, mine says ‘Welcome to Jamaica, Have a Good Day.’”
quote"But if they’re topless, they’re NOT in the habit…"
Cranberry’s avatar was topless the other day, does that count?
Steven
Hello, my name is Pam.
OK, my name isn’t Pam, but I am topless.
We’re supposed to tell tasteless, bad jokes.
The following are merely tasteless.
A man goes to a physician; he’s suffering terribly
from headaches.
‘There’s only one cure,’ the doctor says: ‘Castration.’
‘Never!’ The man flees but returns next week.
‘I can’t stand the pain; do it!’
The doctor does. As the man is preparing to
leave, the doctor says:
‘Mr. Smith, you mustn’t let yourself
get depressed. As soon as you leave my office,
I want you to buy yourself a whole new suit of
clothes.’
Sure enough, just down the block the man finds
a men’s clothing store. He goes in.
‘I want a whole new suit of clothes!’
‘I’ve been in this business for 47 years,’
the salesman says. ‘I can tell your size just by
looking at you. For instance, hat size…7 1/4’
‘Why that’s remarkable! My hat size is indeed
7 1/4.’
‘Shirt, size 15 1/2 neck, 32 cuff.’
‘Yes, yes that’s right!’
‘Medium undershirt. Underpants…size 34.’
‘Well, there I’m afraid I must differ with you.
I always take size 30 underpants.’
The old salesman walks closer, looks
around, then says to the man quietly:
‘Listen. For you, size 30 underpants is too
small. It will put pressure on your testicles
and give you terrible headaches!’
I take this to be an advertisement for holistic
medicine.
Another man goes to a tailor to get a new
suit. When it’s finished, it doesn’t seem to fit.
It’s baggy and lumpy.
‘No problem!’ the tailor explains. ‘You just have to
learn how to wear it. Push out your left hip.
Good. Now stick out you right shoulder…bend
your elbow… There. It looks like a million
bucks.’
As the man leaves the store and makes his
way down the street, he passes two middle-aged
ladies. After he’s gone one of them
says:
‘Isn’t it a pity about that poor man?’
‘Yes,’ the other responds. ‘But didn’t his suit
fit him beautifully!’
I don’t know quite what this one means, but surely
it means something important.
Last tasteless joke.
A man sits down on the bus next to a little
man.
‘You smell like shit!’ he says.
‘Elephant shit,’ the little man answers.
‘How do you manage to get covered in
elephant shit?’
‘I work for the circus. When they have the big parade
through the city, I follow the elephants.
I sweep up their droppings with a broom and a little pan.’
‘How much do you get paid?’
‘50 cents an hour.’
‘You get covered with elephant shit
every day for 50 cents an hour? Why don’t
you find another job?’
‘What!’ the little man exclaims. 'And give up show biz?"
Bump. Please read the jokes, immediately
above. They need to passed on to the
younger generation.
Jim, you are such a humanitarian.
Amazingly, I know another tasteless joke beginning the same way.
A man goes to a physician; he’s suffering terribly
from headaches. He says “Doc, I get these awful headaches every day, it’s like my head is going to explode, my vision gets all blurry and my ears ring like churchbells”.
The doctor says “You are extremely fortunate to have come to me. Not only am I the premier headache specialist in the world, but I myself suffer from these same headaches and have found only one way to stop them. Up until now, I have kept the cure a secret”.
“Doc, you have to tell me, I’m going nuts from these headaches!”
The doctor says “Here’s the secret. When I get a headache, my wife and I immediately head for the bed and start getting passionate if you get my drift. At the height of our lovemaking, my wife will squeeze my head between her knees as tightly as she can and my headache miraculously disappears!”
The man says “OK, Doc, that sounds a little strange, but I’ll give it a try”.
The guy returns to the office in a week and the doctor asks him “well, did you try what I told you?”
The man replies “Yes, and it worked like a charm! By the way, Doc, your wife is great!”
Van Gogh played-by ear, didn’t make him a good musician.
As for Beethoven, he just missed aural sets.
Two lawyers were walking down the boardwalk one day, talking shop. A pretty young girl wearing a day-glo dental floss bikini rollerskated between them, oblivous. Both men silently watched her retreating figure for awhile, admiring her assets, until one lawyer turned to the other.
“I’d really like to screw her…” said the first lawyer.
“Out of what?” asked the second.
The Tortoise and the Hare
The Tortoise meets the Hare. She says:
“What about running a little race?
— Who are you? and why don’t you have eyebrows?
— I’m the Tortoise. Tortoises have no eyebrows. So, shall we race?
— Well, what don’t you have lips?
— Same thing, tortoises have no lips, is all. Just a quick race, what about a standing quarter mile? Looser pays the beer.
— I dunno… how come you have no hair, and no ears, and no nose?
— Because I’m the Tortoise. C’mon, let’s race!
— Nah, I don’t race against you. I know who you are. I saw you on TV. You’re Niki Lauda.”
That’s horrible, Z.
So…how many bodhran players does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thinly you slice them.
So Bob gets home from his weekly round of golf, and his wife asks how it went. “Terrible” he says. “Right there on the third green, George had a heart attack and died.” “Oh how awful” his wife replied. “Yeah, it really was tough” says Bob. “Hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George.”
Sorry 'bout that folks.
Steven
I almost told this in Tyghress’ blue thread but thought better of it. But since you’re all being so profane:
A man can’t decide which of three women to marry, so he sets them a test. He gives each of them $10,000 and tells her to come back in a week and report what she has done with it.
First woman: “Honey, I know you really like it when I look a credit to you, so I bought a designer evening gown and gold necklace to go with it.”
Second woman: “Darling, knowing how much you love golf, I took a week’s instruction with a top professional to improve my game, so that we can enjoy playing together through the years.”
Third woman: “I did a bit of buying and selling on the stock market. Your $10,000 is now half a million. Here’s a cheque, mon amour.”
Which one did he marry?
The one with big tits.
Okay… okay… another racist joke.
Two racists were out deer hunting, and they got lost. One racist says to the other, “what are we supposed to do in a situation like this?” The other said, calmly, “just fire a shot into the air, and someone will hear us, because they’re surely looking for us, by now.” So he shoots into the air, and they wait a couple of hours. The one racist says to the other, “you’d better try shooting again,” to which he responded, “Okay, but this is my last arrow.”