WASHINGTON (AP): 50 million pairs of eyes turned north yesterday, as the authorities probed the causes of the largest blackout in the history of civilization. As the dark night progressed, more and more evidence seemed to point to a small town in Canada where the Chiff & Fipple discussion boards are hosted. One official with the National Power Authority, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that “the whole incident may have been caused by one off-topic thread gone tragically out of control”.
Meanwhile, Chiff and Fipple denizen Dale “El” Wisely, cutting a debonair figure in tight lederhosen and bare hairy chest, released a terse statement stating simply: “I didn’t do it!”. Further attempts to contact the swashbuckling Internet personality were unsuccessfull.
The FBI released a partial portrait of Mr Wisely: :adminok: who’s been on the run, suspected of harboring whistles of mass destruction.
The power is back on here in Cleveland so I can now chronicle the tale of hardship and privation that 16 hours without electricity caused. I could not take the train home from work as is my wont. I had to walk a half mile to a busstop and transfer to another bus downtown. In all, my commute was extended by ONE WHOLE HOUR. I tell you, I was experiencing hardship and privation! Once I was home I had dinner (we have a gas stove) and played the whistle for an hour. Then I read out on the front porch until there was not enough light. Played whistle for another hour in the dark. Looked at stars (in Cleveland!) and actually saw a shooting star (in Cleveland!). Then I hung around for a while (I missed the re-run of CSI I’ll have you know, and later, off to bed.
If that is not hardship and privation I don’t know what is. That Wiley guy. He’s behind this. I just know it! Either that or, as the ladies gossiping in the back of the bus yesterday evening decided, “It must be the Ay-rabs.”
I happen to know that it was Jerry Freeman who caused the power outage! So don’t try to blame Dale. Jerry plugged in that antique lathe and it overloaded the Syracuse area grid. Then, in succession, like so many dominos, grids all over the east crumbled as each grid made a power grab at the next one. Fifty million folks without power, but just a lucky, lucky few out of power AND playing their whistles and looking at the stars. Mars is the closest it has been since Neanderthals walked the land, well worth checking out. Regretfully, our power came back on last night around midnight…well…until Jerry plugs in that lathe again.
i live in florida, so i knew about the power outtage but it wasn’t really much of a reality for me. the funny thing is, i’m new to the C&F forums and when i couldn’t log on last night i (briefly) feared i had been excommunicated by purists for the offense of saying i wanted some sheet music to help me learn.
At lunch today, I stopped for a sandwich at a little cafe in a nearby shopping center. Most of the folks waiting to order were talking about the Great Power Outage of 2003 effecting our friends back east. I heard this conversation (by the way, the geographic region in which this conversation takes place is just south of San Francisco, CA):
Lady 1: Isn’t it weird to think that we knew about the power outage before the people in New York did?
Lady 2: How so? Why did we hear first?
Lady 1: Well, how could they find out, if their TVs can’t work?
Lady 2: Oh, yes, I suppose so. . .
Apparently no one in New York would have noticed the outage until darkness fell, being such unobservant folk.
Oy. This sort of conversation explains a lot about current California politics.
He is neither an Infi-Dale nor a harborer of such weapons. I know, as I got it straight from the horse’s mouth! Well, what’s’isname said that what’s’ername said that Rich said that there was no responsibility on the part of said American citizen. Or… maybe not… I’m not sure.
Sorry for telling you this, but you were excommunicated by purists for the reason you mention. Fortunately for you, the power outtage caused the excommunicator system to reboot, and all records were lost.
I think that too many Chiff and Fipplers hit the submit button at the same time and the chips fell.
There’s also the possibility that a high note played on a high-G whistle somewhere in Cleveland set off a cascade reaction bringing down the entire grid.
Finally, the news mentioned a problem with the software being used to control the grid, must have been a Windows XP glitch. Things continue to work in Cincinnati because we still use Windows 98 SE in Cincinnati. - In fact Mark Twain once said if the world was ending, go to Cincinnati, it’ll won’t happen there for 5 more years.
I like that joke about the TV, it reminds me of the lady who calls her daughter on the phone during a storm to warn her to not use the phone during a storm.
Sadly, I don’t think she was joking. Seemed entirely earnest, and went on at some length about it.
I run into a lot of not-so-bright or very strange people in small cafes and sandwich shops. Once, a little girl grabbed a dolma off of my plate in a small Greek cafe, waved it around in the air while shouting, “Mom! I want one of these!”, and put it back on my plate, where it rocked gently back and forth. I was stunned, and even more so when Mom replied, “Honey, that is not going to be enough; what else you want?” Little girl waved my food around in the air. and her mother didn’t reprimand her.
whew! i’ve escaped their wrath, at least for a while. but at least i was trying to turn from the dark side: the reason i posted in the first place is that i wanted suggestions on how to learn to play without it. and i would say the devil made me do it (i.e., using that-which-must-not-be-named) in the first place, but i don’t think referring to some very nice school band directors and especially a church orchestra director as the devil would be very nice.
I caused the blackout. I had to capture Amphenol and Tyvek working in deep cover in behalf of the Crystal People. Long story, involving a solid synthetic diamond pennywhistle, a SWAT team brought in from the future and the de-assimilation Madguy.
Tyvek was at it again? Dammit, now I have to go back to the future to find out from the bureau what I have to go do yesterday. Sorry about having to go cause the blackout yesterday, but I will probably have a good reason to cause it.
Oh yes, the Crystal People - maybe Dale really does have something to do with this.
NEW FLASH
Crystal People Network
Earth Planentary Grid knock out due to teenage driving.
Wednesday Afternoon, a major portion of the power grid in the acquisition region referred to as the “United States” has knocked out by Johny Viagra, son of the Crystal Peoples Planetary Acquisition Fleets Admiral Viagra. Viagras son reportedly drinking had requisitioned a dual whistle ship with saucer section drive from the motor pool and had driven it through power lines, he thought the spark show was cool.
The ship was not seen on the ground, the cloaking generator appeared to absorb the gigawatt shock.
The admiral was questioned by CPNA (Crystal People News Agency) located in the Antarctic Region Planetary Acquisition Base, Viagra’s response was small and to the point, he is quote saying, “^C### TRANSMISSION HALTED - AUTHORIZATION VIAGRA ###”.
In 1993, Alabama and much of the Southeastern US was hit by a blizzard. An actual blizzard. We got 13" of snow–unheard of in the century. And because we’re not supposed to get that kind of snow, no equipment exists to clear it. And because we don’t get that kind of snow, it brought down tree after tree and took down the power grid. We had no power for 7 days. Temps hovered around 0 degree F for a couple of days before warming up to, I don’t know 35 or something.
Anyway, we burned all the firewood pretty quick. Mercifully, we had hot water, which allowed us to fill plastic bottles and jugs with hot water and put them in our beds, at our feet, etc., which helped tremendously.
As the week wore on we just got more and more miserable from fatigue and cold and disorientation. During the middle of the last night without power, when we were punchy and nearly psychotic, my wife and I were awakened in the middle of the night be this very bizarre animal vocalization outside out bedroom window. Later, we learned it was a pair of racoons mating. It’s a very loud sound, something like the vocalizations that chimps make when agitated. We live 5 miles from the Birmingham Zoo. In my sleepy and semi-delirous state, I somehow imagined that the sound was baboons and I “reasoned” that in the chaos of the blizzard animals had escaped from the zoo. I can’t explain why I thought that the sound was a band of crazed baboons roaming my neighborhood, but that’s what came to my mind. I nudged my wife and said “WHAT IS THAT?” and she said, “I don’t know, but it’s definitely some kind of crazed primate roaming the neighborhood.” So, there you go.
This reminds me of a poem I wrote a few months ago which I offer to you now:
I’m inclined to think of it as a metaphor for the wild animal instincts we all contain and the unspoken apprehension of what would happen if they were all unleashed at once.
