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If you’ve seen this before, go away!
A Piper’s Annual Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
2 Tsp flour
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 bottle whiskey
MIXING INSTRUCTION
1.Sample whiskey to check for quality.
2.Take a large bowl.
3.Check the whiskey again to be sure it’s of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
4.Sit down. Play uilleann pipes until reed settles in.
5.Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in the large looking, fluffy bowl. Add 1tbsp of sugar and beat again.
6.Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.
7.Turn off mixer.
8.Break 2 legs into bowl. Chuck in cup of dried fruit.
Add 2 tablespoons. flour in. mix on turner.
9.Let set for a time. Play the pipes some more.
10.If fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry loose with a drewscriver.
11.Sample whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
12.Next, sift 2 cups salt. Add one tbsp of coke (soda).
13.Check whiskey again.
14.Sift lemon juice and chop your nuts. Add one table. spoon. of sugar or something.
15.Grease oven. Repeat. Turn cake tin around 360 deg.
16.Don’t forget to beat the turner off.
17.Throw bowl out the window.
18.Check whiskey again and finish off.
Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
Merry Christmas!
Happy Newyear!
