Oooh, good topic! I have similar problems, to the extent that I often say that I’m “audio-dyslexic”. In school I had such problems absorbing anything from lectures that I went to the university’s learning resource center, where the tests indicated that I’m a primarily visual and kinesthetic learner, so I learned various strategies for leveraging those strengths to make up for my auditory deficits… come to think of it, I should maybe brainstorm on how to translate more of those strategies to my music stuff…
But anyway, I run into the same sorts of problems when attempting to learn things by ear – tunes tend to go in one ear and out the other, unless I’m doing something interactive to burn them into my kinesthetic memory. I’ve heard suggestions to sing along with recordings, but my singing voice is so truly abysmal that I’ve converted that to just tonguing & half-whispering along with my recordings. I’ve found that it helps to do this alone in a dark room, where there’s nothing to distract me from the structure & feeling of the melody I’m trying to absorb.
I’ve also found that it works better for me to use the my cassette player than the repeat button on the CD player, 'cos the cassette player is the kind that’s optimized for studying language tapes, the kind that lets one listen while backtracking so it’s easy to target and repeat specific phrases, and there’s a little dial to slow them down. I hear there are computer programs (which ones??) to do this with CDs (or MP3s?), but I don’t have one yet (suggestions welcome – I’m on a Mac)
Once I have the tune firmly lodged in my head, I listen to it a few times while looking at the dots (no whistle yet), so I get an intuitive sense of how the melody I’ve learned relates to the dots on the page. Then I go on to playing it on my whistle, still using my sheet music, but I find that I’m not so much sight-reading as using the dots to supply the occasional note that I have trouble locating by ear. When I feel ready to let go of the sheet-music security blanket, I turn away from the music stand and try playing the song by ear and muscle memory, and am often pleasantly surprised by how much of the tune I can reproduce.
Sometimes I’m impatient with this longer learning process, so I do what you describe and just play along with the recording using sheet music, but I find that I don’t learn the song as well – it goes right out of my head as soon as the recording or sheet music is put away. To memorize the tune efficiently, I seem to need to get it into my head independent of the sheet music, and then just use the dots to smooth over the process of connecting the fingerings to the tune I hear in my head.
Finally, I find that I learn things better when I study them right before going to sleep at night, or during the day if I take a brief nap right after the study session. So I bring my little cassette player to bed with me, and repeat the tunes I’m trying to learn, tonguing & whispering along with them, until I fall asleep… and voila! I wake up with the music going through my head, and half the battle is won right there.
Noel