Should I even get started on Simon? I mean, the guy is very inconsistent and prone to either over-praise or over-condemn. At times he seems concise, but other times he seems like a cliché of a temperamental woman having a bad hair day (which is true every day of the year for him). And I have to say, no matter how many times my workmate (who is a big-time fan of the show from the beginning) tells me that Simon is a record company bigwig, he strikes me as a second-tier bagman, lacking in real enterpeneurialship but big on being a yes-man to whatever the boss says. He’s like the little Chihuahua that follows the bulldog around on those cartoons to me. But suddenly, he is in power and flounders with the authority given him.
But the biggest help in understanding Simon is to look for the visual clues. How can I take any grown man seriously whose wardrobe consists of one designer gray t-shirt (occasionally worn with a blazer)? Gimme a break. It screams insecurity, so how can I expect balance, compassion and FAIRNESS from some scared little company man, with rock-star pretensions?
In some ways, I guess he feels he has to counter-act the other two stooges. Randy is definitely the most music-oriented of the three but his Ebonic delivery leads me to new pathways of misunderstanding. Once again, as a new viewer, I have been puzzled by what linguistic standard a woman can be called “dude,” “man” or “dawg”. And some day, I will learn what “props” are, though I admit having heard that one kicked around about, oh, ten years ago, here in Richmond.
Paula Abdul is your basic passionate Mediterraney woman. The biggest problem is calling her a judge, instead of just good ol’ Mom. I am glad she is there to be supportive but her constant use of superlatives makes it hard to take her with any credibility.
And I repeat from yesterday my contention that Carrie has a big, full voice but not a memorable one. If I may, indulge me enough to think of Bo’s voice as a reminder of iconic American singers, like Ray Charles or Barry White. I still consider Bo the third Righteous Brother, for older Chiffers who remember them. He has the classic Southern combination of a white kid but with reminders of black Southern inflection. It’s very masculine, unlike most pop male singers. An informal study was once done of pitch range, which revealed that most pop male singers have relatively high baritone-to-tenor voices, while most female pop singers have relatively low mezzo-soprano down to alto voices, rendering both within similar ranges. Bo has the distinction of a lower voice, which is more exciting.
I can imagine two songwriters pondering these talents. One songwriter will come up with a country anthem for Carrie that will make big bux. The other will write a soulful tune for Bo that we will remember for decades. Heck, I’ll buy the album and I never buy pop albums.
I feel that strong about the distinction. BUT, Carrie will undoubtedly mature and her voice may get more depth. But just remember a few of the greatest country female singers, and you will realize that they DON’T sound like Martina McBride. I am thinking Patsy Cline for example. A whole different league. I need some pancakes with the syrup.
I’m content to let my co-workers believe I’m uncultured.
