A guy goes to the Doctors with a tomato in his ear, a banana in his nose and some beans on his head.
The guy says “Whats wrong with me?”
The doc says “Aha! youre not eating properly”!
A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says
“I’m lookin for the man who shot my paw!”
A fish swims into a wall and says “Damn!”.
A couple orders the “Chicken Surprise” at a Chinese restaurant. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid rises slightly. Two little eyes look around before the lid slams back down.
“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband. He didn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.
Again, the lid rises. He sees two little eyes before it slams down. He calls the waiter over and demands an explanation.
“I’m sorry, I made a mistake,” says the waiter. “I brought you Peeking Duck.”
slude dude!
I love it!
Peeking Duck
I don’t understand what’s so funny. 
…later…after you get over the chips, soda pop and candy bar thing! 
Peking duck is a Chinese dish.
Best wishes,
Jerry
I thought the title “goes to the docs” might have something to do with peeking ducks, and I was so confused. Thank you.
These two guys walk into a bar… and you’d think the second guy would’ve seen it.
Utterly sublime.
True story…I work in a vet’s office inl a town with a high Eastern European immigrant population. Two of our vets have flocks of free range organic chickens. They sell their eggs to customers who might want them, and a lot of the local people know that farm fresh tastes far different than store bought eggs. There is a big sign in the office “Doc’s Eggs For Sale”
So two days ago a lady saw the sign and asked if we had any. The only eggs were banty eggs…small compared to the standard but I brought them out and showed her what we could offer.
She said they didn’t look like duck eggs and I corrected her and said they were banty chicken eggs. The woman loudly asked for DUCK eggs and I apologized and told her we only had chicken eggs…banties.
“So why you advertise duck eggs?” she said, pointing to the sign.
Duck eggs are big and blue, at least the ones I’ve seen were. I knew a man who had a turkey who incubated duck eggs, so the baby ducks thought they were turkeys their whole lives.
So a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, and the bartender says “what is this…a joke?”
Redwolf
What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the udder!
My ducks have no such delusions. They are ducks through and through . . . and accept me as a very large and flightless example of the same.
They were utterly astounded the first time they saw me get in the water.
Did they run for the hills 'round Thanksgiving time? 
I thought the funniest joke in The Aristocrats was a clean one:
A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Wow! That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Where did you get it?”
The frog replies, “In Brooklyn; they have hundreds of them.”