April 17, 2034
DMPMD-I. Diagnostic Manual of Post-Modern Psycho-neurological Disorders-1st Edition
Transporter Beam-Induced Psychosis
Post Cryogenic Hallucinatory Disturbance
Post-Oprah Bereavement Disorder
Whistle Obsessive Acquisition Disorder
303.07 Whistle Obsessive Acquisition Disorder (WhOA)
Background: First described by late 20th /early 21st century psychologist and internet whistle journalist Dale Wisely, WhOA is a rare disorder, affecting perhaps 2100 people, who describe an obsessive preoccupation with acquiring pennywhistles (An end-blown, 6-hole simple-system flute associated with Irish music). Due to the low prevalence of this disorder and the exceptionally narrow and esoteric nature of the obsession, researchers have debated whether WhOA is best considered a discrete disorder, or a variant of the so-called "Shared PreOccupational Disorder (SPOD)." Also noted by historians , the origins of this disorder may be linked largely to deliberate efforts by Wisely to cause victims to acquire the disorder, so that he could gain recognition for identifying the disorder and "helping" victims cope with it. (See New York Times, 3/25/2002, "WhOA: Disorder or Fiendish Plot by Whistle Cult Leader?" and Washington Post, 5/3/2002, "Class Action Lawsuit by 'WhOA victims' (WhOA Anonymous vs. Chiff & Fipple) Foiled by Delayed Y2K Problems"). The controversy aside, cases continue to be reported years after Wisely's activities were terminated by the Internet Authority (see Birmingham News, 2/2/2004, "Newly Formed 'Internet Police' Nab Whistle Website Owner for Violation of Internet Obsession Act").
1. Playing the whistle at inappropriate times and in inappropriate situations (examples: Watching TV, sitting in automobile at traffic lights, sitting in automobile waiting for police officer to approach vehicle to ticket victim for playing whistle at traffic light, while engaged in marital relations, while meeting with attorneys re: divorce, while working at place of employment, during job interviews, during interview at unemployment office, etc.)
2. Preoccupation with purchasing, evaluating, and/or accumulating tinwhistles (with or without the psychological experience of occasionally stopping and saying to oneself, "What in the hell am I doing?" or "What has happened to my life?")
3. Frequent time spent, to the exclusion of useful and productive activity, on tinwhistle-related NeuroNet sites such as "Chiff & Fipple: The Virtual Brain Implant Tinwhistle Experience by Dale Wisely, Brought to You From the Geriatric Unit, Federal Minimum Security Prison."
1. Accidental injuries due to traffic light mishaps.
2. Domestic strife (related to being partnered with non-afflicted spousal units).
4. Respiratory disorders
5. Excessive salivation/production of lung humidity-ambient moisture condensate).
6. "Slip Jig Syndrome" (listening to various industrial noises and trying to determine time signature at which machinery is operating.)
7. Crystal People Shared Delusional Disorder (CPSDD (see separate entry, victims of this disorder exhibit, among other odd behaviors, compulsively smelling food to determine if it is "special." Note: Historians continue to debate the nature of the relationship between WhOA and CPSDD. Dale Wisely's now-infamous website made reference to an impending invasion by "Crys
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