The Tao Te Chiff

translated from ancient manuscripts by Dale Wisely

1

Chiff that can be named
is not the eternal Chiff.
The Chiff that can be spoken
is not the eternal Chiff.

Chiff is the boundary of Heaven and Earth.
The mother of Whistledom.

Freed from WhOA, you can see the hidden mystery.
By having WhOA, you can only see what is visibly real.

So, the student asks the Undisputed,
is having WhOA good or bad?

The Undisputed only smiles
and then whacks the student on the head
with an aluminum Low D.

2

Mystery and reality
emerge from the same source.
This source is called Pure Drop.

Pure Drop born from Pure Drop
The beginning of all understanding.

3

Chiff and Fipple produce each other.
Difficult tunes and easy tunes complement each other.
Long rolls and short rolls define each other.
High whistles and low whistles oppose each other.

Therefore the Undisputed
can act without doing anything
and teach without saying a word.
Whistles come his way and he does not stop them;
they leave and he lets them go.
He has many whistles without possessing,
and acts without any expectations.
When his work is done, he takes no credit.
That is why C&F will last forever.

4

If you overly esteem talented players,
people will become overly competitive.
If you overvalue whistles,
people will begin to steal them.

Do not display your treasured whistles
or people will become envious.

The Undisputed leads by
emptying people's wallets,
filling their minds,
weakening their ambitions,
and making them become Obsessed.

Preferring simplicity and freedom from desires,
avoiding the pitfalls of new-agey false Trad.
Like Enya and her ilk.

For those who, like the Undisputed,
practice not-playing,
everything will fall into place.

5

Knowing you don't know is wholeness.
Thinking you know is a disease.
Only by recognizing that you have an illness
can you move to seek a cure.

The Undisputed is whole because
he sees his illness and treats it,
and thus is able to remain whole.

The illness is called Whistle Obsessive Acquisition disorder
or WhOA.
The first cure is More Whistles
which leads to Poverty,
which is the second cure.

It could be worse.
It could be Pipes Obsessive Acquisition Disorder.
I mean, look at those guys.

6

WhOA is like an empty container:
it can never be emptied and can never be filled.
Infinitely deep, it is the source of all things.
It dulls the sharp, unties the knotted,
shades the lighted, and unites all of Whistledom with poverty.

It is hidden but always present.
I don't know who gave birth to it .
Some say it is Bernard Overton.

7

Heaven and Earth are impartial;
they treat all of Whistledom as straw dogs.
The Undisputed doesn't take sides;
he treats everyone like a straw dog.
He needs to google “Straw Dog” because,
besides that Dustin Hoffman movie,
he doesn’t remember what it is.

The space between Heaven and Earth
is like the bellows on a Concertina;
it is empty, yet has not lost its power.
The more it is used, the more it produces;
the more you talk of it, the less you comprehend.

It is better not to speak of things you do not understand,
Because there’s a lot of that on The Board.

8

The spirit of Chiff is immortal.
It is called the Great Mother
because it gives birth to WhOA and Pure Drop.

It is like a moist vapor within the Whistle,
barely seen but always present.
Depending on the whistle, by the way,
You might want to swab it out occasionally.

There is still Strife about whether it is
drool or condensed atmospheric humidity.

9

The Chiff is eternal,
and the earth is long enduring.
Why are they long enduring?
They do not live for themselves;
thus they are present for all beings.

The Undisputed puts his self last;
And finds his self in the place of authority.
He detaches his self from all things
but for the Instruments of his Collection;
Therefore he is united with all things in the Collection.
He gives no thought to self.
The C&F Vault is filled.

10

The supreme Chiff is like water,
which benefits all of Whistledom
without trying to compete with it.
It gathers on the Chiffboard.
Thus it is like Chiff.

The location (chiffboard.mati.ca) makes the dwelling good.
Depth of understanding makes the mind good.
A kind heart makes the giving good.
Integrity makes the Moderators good.
Accomplishments makes your posts good.

Only when there is no post-count competition,
no one-upmanship,
will we all live in peace.

11

It is easier to carry an empty whistle-bag
than one that is filled to the brim.

Except for the part about the empty one
having no Whistles.

The sharper the fipple blade
the easier it is to dull.
The more whistles you possess
the harder it is to protect them.
WhOA brings it's own trouble.

When you have collected all whistles
for which you long, simply walk away.
This is the path way to Heaven.

But it won’t last.

12

Nurture the WhOA of your soul
until you become whole.
Can you do this and not fail?
Can you focus your breath across
The Blade of Aero-Turbulance
until you become
supple as a newborn child?

While you cleanse your inner vision
will you be found without fault?
Can you love fellow Chiffers and lead them
without forcing your will on them?
When the Moderators give and take away
can you be content with the outcome?

13

Six holes form the Essence of Whistle
that allows the whistle to play.

And yet the holes are Nothingness.

It is the inside of the Tube
through which the Breath of the Player flows,
and yet there is Nothing there.

We mold clay into a pot,
but it is the emptiness inside
that makes the vessel useful.

We fashion wood for a house,
but it is the emptiness inside
that makes it livable.

We work with the substantial,
but the emptiness is what we use.

The cost of the Whistle, however,
is not Nothing.

14

Five colors blind the eye.
Five notes deafen the ear.
The notes reside in the high octave
on a high G whistle.

15

What does it mean that success is as dangerous as failure?
It means we have so many whistles, we can play none well.

What does it mean that we are often our own worst enemy?
It means we have Guinness in the belly and we play something
Not Nice.

The reason I have an enemy is because I have "self" that plays
the Bad with the Good.

If I no longer had a "self", I would no longer have an enemy.

Love the whole of Whistledom as if it were your self;
Unless you don’t like yourself much.

16

Look for it, and it can't be seen.
Listen for it, and it can't be heard.
Grasp for it, and it can't be caught.
These three cannot be further described,
so we treat them as
The One That Apparently Doesn’t Exist
So Why Bother.

Approach it and you will not see a beginning;
follow it and there will be no end.
When we grasp Chiff of the ancient ones,
we can use it to direct our life today.
To know the ancient origin of Chiff:
this is the beginning of WhOA.

17

The Players of old were profound
and knew the ways of subtlety and discernment,
except in Pubs, where both Virtues were impaired by Drink.

18

By being one with the whistle, we become one with Chiff.
Being one with Chiff, we are no longer concerned about
losing our life because we know Chiff is constant
and we are one with Chiff.

19

When the Undisputed Speaks
charity and righteousness appear.

When there is strife on the Board
people talk about 'The Way Things Once Were'.

Others speak of Uptight Rules
and yet

When the Board falls into chaos,
People ask, “Where the Hell are the Moderators?”

20

Forget about knowledge and wisdom,
and people will be a hundred times better off.

Throw away Commercial Exploitation of the Board,
and there won't be any angry Moderators.

These are superficial and aren't enough
to keep us at the center of the circle, so we must also:

Embrace simplicity.
Put others first.
Desire little.

Except more whistles.

21

The greatest virtue you can have
comes from following Chiff;
which takes a form that is intangible and evasive.

Even though Chiff is intangible and evasive,
we are able to know it exists.
Intangible and evasive, yet it has a manifestation.
Secluded and dark, yet there is a vitality within it.
It's vitality is very genuine.
Within it we can find order.

Since the beginning of time, Chiff has always existed.
Or at least since the mid-90s.
It is beyond existing and not existing .
It was born during the Clinton Administration.

22

The Undisputed embraces Chiff,
as an example for the world to follow.
Because he isn't self centered,
people can see the light.
Because he does not boast of his self,
he becomes a shining example.
Because he does not glorify his self,
He is the Coolest.

23

Before the universe was born
there was something in the chaos of the heavens.
It stands alone and empty,
solitary and unchanging.
It is ever present and secure.
It may be regarded as the Mother of the universe.
Because I do not know its name,
I call it Chiff.
If forced to give it a name,
I would call it 'Cool'.

Because it is Cool means it is everywhere.
Being everywhere means it is eternal.
Being eternal means everything returns to it.

Humanity follows the earth.
Earth follows Heaven.
Heaven follows Chiff.
Chiff follows only itself.

24

Heaviness is the basis of lightness.
Stillness is the basis of activity.
This is why the Undisputed is active
when sitting at the computer.
He tells his wife this.

Thus the Undisputed travels all day
without ever leaving his basement.
Except on DaleForce One

Why should the lord of a thousand whistles
be amused at the foolishness of the world?
If you abandon yourself to foolishness,
you lose touch with your beginnings.
If you let yourself become distracted,
you will lose the basis of your power.
Which is your whistles.

25

A good traveler leaves no tracks,
and a skillful Player is well rehearsed.
A good bookkeeper has an excellent memory,
and a well made door is easy to open and needs no locks.
A good knot needs no rope and it can not come undone.

Thus the Undisputed is willing to help everyone,
and doesn't know the meaning of rejection.
He is there to help all of Whistledom,
and doesn't abandon even the smallest Newbie.

This is called “Nice”.

26

Do you want to rule the Board and control it?
I don't think it can ever be done.

The Board is a vessel
and it cannot be controlled.
Except by the Moderators.
You will only it make it worse if you try.
It may slip through your fingers and disappear.

The Undisputed accepts things as they are,
and out of compassion avoids extravagance,
excess and the extremes. Unless you consider
all these whistles extravagant and extreme.

27

Those who lead people by following Chiff
don't use weapons to enforce their will.

This is not the way of Chiff.
That which is not of Chiff will soon end.

Using force always leads to unseen troubles.
Ask any bodhran player.

28

Bad Whistles are the bearers of Bad Music;
all people should detest them.

Bad Whistles are meant for destruction,
and thus are avoided by the wise.
Only as a last resort
will a wise person use a Bad Whistle.

29

All things end in Chiff
just as the small streams and the largest rivers
flow through valleys to the sea.

Chiff is nameless and unchanging.
Although it appears insignificant,
nothing in the world can contain it.

I mean, people can’t even agree on what it is.

30

The great Chiff flows unobstructed in every direction.
All whistles rely on it to conceive and be born,
and it does not deny even the smallest of Whistledom.

All of Whistledom seeks it for refuge
yet it does not seek to control.
Because it does not seek greatness;
it is able to accomplish truly great things.

31

She who follows the way of Chiff
will draw the world to her steps.
She can go without fear of being injured,
because she has found peace and tranquility in her heart.

Where there is music and good food,
(or in the case of England, not-so-good food, )
people will stop to enjoy it.
Especially if there’s also Drink.

This is the Essence of Pub.

32

If you want something to return to the source,
you must first allow it to spread out.
If you want something to weaken,
you must first allow it to become strong.
If you want something to be removed,
you must first allow it to flourish.
If you want to possess something,
you must first give it away.

This is called the Subtle Understanding
of How Things Are Meant To Be.

The soft and pliable overcomes the hard and inflexible.

Just as Three Fish remain hidden in deep waters,
it is best to keep your best whistles out of sight.

33

The Chiff never acts with force,
yet there is nothing that it can not do.

If rulers could follow the Way of Chiff,
then all of Whistledom would willingly follow their example.
If selfish desires were to arise after their transformation,
It would erase them with the power of the Expensive Whistles.

34

Our basic understandings are not from Chiff
because they come from the depths of our misunderstanding.
The Undisputed abides in the fruit and not in the husk.
He dwells in Chiff,
and not with the things that hide it.
This is how he increases in Whistle Wisdom.

35

The Players of old attained unity with Chiff.
Heaven attained unity and become Pure Drop.
This is the power of Chiff.

Without Chiff, the sky becomes filthy.
(Although Chiff is not responsible for Los Angeles.)
Without Chiff, the earth becomes unstable.
(Although Chiff is not responsible for the Political Parties).
Without unity, our leaders become corrupt and fall.
(Although Chiff does not indict Chiefs of Staff or other Officials)

Do not shine like the precious gem,
but be as dull as a common stone.
And we’re not talking about jim stone.
Although this text looks a little like one of his posts.

36

All movement returns to Chiff.
Weakness is how Chiff works.

All of Whistledom is born from substance.
Substance is born of nothing-ness.

Did you get That or do I need to go over It again?

37

When a superior person hears of Chiff & Fipple,
She diligently puts its teachings into practice.
When an average person hears of Chiff & Fipple,
he believes half of it, and doubts the other half.
When a foolish person hears of Chiff & Fipple,
he laughs out loud at the very idea.
If he didn't laugh,
it wouldn't be Chiff & Fipple

38

Chiff gave birth to One.
The One gave birth to Two.
The Two gave birth to Three.
The Three gave birth to all of Whistledom.

Wait a minute. I lost Count.

39

That which offers no resistance,
is hard to play because it empties the lungs.
That which offers too much resistance
is often a Quiet Whistle.

Seek the balance.
Colin Goldie can help you with this.

40

Which is more important, your whistles or your life?
Which is more valuable, your whistles or your person?
Which is more destructive, having too few or too many?

Because of this, WhOA extracts a great cost.
I mean, literally.

Knowing when you have enough avoids dishonor,
and knowing when to stop will keep you from danger
and bring you a long, happy life.

The problem is no one seems to ever have enough.
No one knows when to stop.

This is the called the “Suckiness of WhOA.”

41

The greatest accomplishments seem imperfect,
yet their usefulness is not diminished.
The greatest fullness seems empty,
yet it will be inexhaustible.

The greatest straightness seems crooked.
The most valued skill seems like clumsiness.
The greatest speech seems full of stammers.

Movement overcomes the cold,
and stillness overcomes the heat.
That which is Pure Drop and still is the universal ideal.

42

When the world follows Chiff,
horses run free to fertilize the fields.

This shows that Chiff & Fipple
produces horse crap.

Which is already known, sort of.

43

The more knowledge you seek,
the less you will understand.

The Undisputed understands without thinking,
sees clearly without looking,
accomplishes much without doing anything.
Someone should explain that the Undisputed Wife.

Without opening your door,
you can know the whole world.
Without looking out your window,
you can understand the way of Chiff.

The Former is named “the Internet.”
The Latter is named “Chiff & Fipple”

44

The Undisputed has no mind of his own.
This has been pointed out to him many times.
But, he understands the mind of the people.

To those who are good he treats as good.
To those who aren't good he also treats as good.
This is known as “Light Moderation.”
This is how he attains true goodness.

He trusts people who are trustworthy.
He also trusts people who aren't trustworthy.
He won’t name names, but it’s tempting as Hell.

Yet he treats them all as his children.
Except he’s not paying for their college.

45

Chiff & Fipple gives birth to all of Whistledom.
The virtue of Chiff & Fipple nurtures them,
That is why every creature honors Chiff & Fipple and its virtue.

No one tells them to honor Chiff & Fipple and its virtue,
it happens all by itself.
So Chiff & Fipple
nurtures them,
gives them a place of refuge and peace,
not counting the Politics forum.

It gives them life without wanting to possess them,
and cares for them expecting nothing in return.
(Thanks for the Copeland, by the way).
It is their Undisputed, but it does not seek to dominate them.
This is called the Dark and Mysterious Undisputedness.

46

If the fields are neglected,
the land will become neglected and full of weeds,
and the granaries will soon become empty
because there is no one out working the fields.

This, also, is the dark side of WhOA.

47

The Undisputed makes things change
without interfering.
He is probing yet causes no harm.
Straightforward, yet does not impose his will.
Radiant, and easy on the eye.

Those who have not seen his image,
are the ones who will believe that “easy on the eye” part.

48

There is nothing better than whistle playing,
for teaching people or serving Heaven.
Those who play,
are already on the path to Chiff.
And the Road to Ruin.

49

Governing a large Forum.
is like frying small fish.
Too much poking spoils the meat.

The Undisputed shuns the use of violence.

But, at times, he is moved to reconsider.


50

Chiff & Fipple is the tabernacle of Whistledom,
it is a treasure for those who are good,
and a place of refuge for those who are not.

How can those who are not good be abandoned?
Words that are beautiful are worth much,
but good behavior can only be learned by example.

Why is Chiff esteemed by the Players?
Is it not said: "With it we find without looking.
With it we find forgiveness for our transgressions."
That is why the world can not understand it.

This is why your spouse thinks you’re nuts for being part of it.

51

The Undisputed lets things take their course
and thus never fails.

The Undisputed seeks no possessions.
He learns by unlearning,
thus he is able to understand all things.
This gives him the ability to help all of Whistledom.

The Undisputed does, however, accept gifts.
And PayPal.

52

Smart people are difficult to guide,
because they think they are too clever.
To use cleverness to rule a Forum,
is to lead the country to ruin.
To avoid cleverness in ruling a Forum,
is to lead the country to prosperity.

It is opposite our natural inclination,
but leads to harmony with the heavens.

The Undisputed sometimes has trouble with it.
He is nothing if not clever.

53

If you want to be the ruler of people,
you must speak to them like you are their servant.
If you want to lead other people,
you must put their interest ahead of your own.

The people will not feel burdened,
if a wise person is in a position of power.
The people will not feel like they are being manipulated,
if a wise person is in front as their leader.
The whole world will ask for his guidance,
and will never get tired of his.
Because he does not like to compete,
no one can compete with the things he accomplishes.
Just look at the Green Board.

:]

The Undisputed is kidding.
He kids because he loves.

54

My words are easy to understand
and easier to put into practice.
Yet no one in the world seem to understand them,
and are not able to apply what I teach.

My teachings come from the ancients,
the things I do are done for a reason.

Because you do not know me,
you are not able to understand my teachings.

This is why I wonder why I waste my time with you guys.

(Again, I kid.)

THE END

copyright 2005 by Dale Wisely and Waxing Gibbous Press