From: ValetMan11Date: Fri, 7 Nov 1997 11:59:08 -0500 (EST)

To: Dale Wisely (dwisely@wwisp.com)

Subject: WARNING! Whistle Intensified Gravity endangers human existence.

Dear Dale,

I am writing this as a concerned whistle player in hopes I can save some

other poor individual from the trauma which I have experienced. It concerns

a whistle-related natural phenomenon which I have recently observed. It

seems that when the tin whistle is placed between the earth's gravitational field and the posterior (rear end) of a human being-- a strange phenomenon occurs. The earth's gravity is multiplied exponentially!! The end result is a bent, broken, and/or busted whistle.

Family members seem to be the most likely to be seized by the field but

anyone with a behind (excuse me) is at risk!

Don't be a victim! Protect yourself and your loved ones/whistles from this

terrible fate. Avoid placing your whistles in your pockets. Even placing

whistles in the front pockets can trigger the phenomenon and the whistle will

be smashed by a chair back or some close-by individual. Avoid storing

whistles in dark or cluttered areas. These factors seem to intensify the

effect. A hapless family member will undoubtedly be seized by the

gravitational field and serious injury will most certainly occur (to your

whistle). Also, it has been observed that the gravitational effect passes

easily through an individuals legs and feet. Therefore if an individual

walks near an unprotected whistle they are certain to have their foot forced

upon it. Your best defense is to store whistles in a cool dry place above

waist level or to craft a titanium whistle case that can withstand the

earth's intensified gravity.

That is all.

Good Luck,

Mark Stancil