A Chiff & Fipple subscriber and WhOA (Whistle Obsessive Acquisition Disorder) sufferer calls Dr. Laura:
Dr. Laura: Hello, this is Dr. Laura…Who’s this?
Jane: This is Jane and…
Dr. Laura: Ok! What’s up, Dear?
Jane: Well, there’s this Tinwhistle website called Chiff & Fipple and….
Dr. Laura: Don’t trust it. Sounds fishy to me.
Jane: No, it’s really nice! Anyway, the guy that runs it is Dale Wisely and he…….
Dr. Laura: Throw the bum out of your house! What are you DOING with that kind of guy? What were you thinking, Honey??
Jane: Well…no…I’m not living with him. He just has this whistle website and….
Dr. Laura: It doesn’t matter. Listen to me. Throw him out if you don’t want things to get worse. They WILL get worse. The guy is not going to change.
Jane: But, Ok, anyway…Since I’ve been visiting his website and getting his newsletter, I…
Dr. Laura: WAIT. Help me understand this. You won’t throw the guy out AND your visiting his WEBSITE!!?? What does that say about your judgment, Dear?
Jane: No. You don’t understand….
Dr. Laura: Oh, I understand! Maybe YOU don’t understand.
Jane: Anyway, I bought one whistle and then I read more of his stuff and I bought another, and another and I can’t seem to stop.
Dr. Laura: That’s too bad. Tough. It’s what you get, I must say, for hooking up with this kind of guy.
Jane: People on the website say I have WhOA.
Dr. Laura: Whoa! What’s WhOA? Some kind of ridiculous psychobabble, new age diagnosis?
Jane: Right. I think so.
Dr. Laura: Look, you have to stop. It can’t be that hard. You say to yourself, “stop” and then you stop and then you put the man out of your house so your children won’t be exposed to his misbehavior. That’s called Being a Parent. Get used to it.
Jane: I don’t have any children…
Dr. Laura: It doesn’t matter. You never will have any if you don’t get him out of your house and stop buying those whistles. What is this, some kind of kinky thing with the whistles?
Jane: They’re Tinwhistles. Irish instruments you blow into and….
Dr. Laura: Look, Honey, it really doesn’t matter.
Jane: But you asked me….
Dr. Laura: What’s the address on this website? I’m checking it out right now.
Jane: Uh…It’s www.chiffandfipple.com.
Dr. Laura: Right. Hold on. Here it is. What the hell is this rat doing on the page? Anyway. Ok. I see. Tinwhistles. Like in the Titanic. Hmmm. Now, what does he think? If I want one of these, which do you think I should buy?
Jane: Well, Dale thinks you should start out on a good solid inexpensive model…
Dr. Laura: Ok, but…wait….there sure are a lot of them and they’re kinda cute. Ooooh. They’re really cheap, too! Wouldn’t it be better to buy, like, a few? You know different colors and different, what, keys or something? Where can you buy these things? Because, I have to tell you, Sweetie, this kinda looks interesting to me….
Jane: Dr. Laura, are you Ok?
Dr. Laura: Now, what’s the deal on these “Low” whistles? Those are kinda big aren’t they? Hmmm. Should I go ahead and buy one of those now or wait until I get the hang of the smaller ones? What would you do?
Jane: I just wanted to talk about…
Dr. Laura: Let’s see, what’s his email address? I need some advice on this…
Jane: Oh, nevermind……(click)
Dr. Laura: Well, Cookie, that’s what happens when you don’t take responsibility for your actions and you aren’t committed to your values. This is Dr. Laura, signing off.
……Now what’s the difference between a reel and a jig??…….