A Chiff & Fipple
subscriber and WhOA (Whistle Obsessive Acquisition Disorder) sufferer calls Dr.
Laura:
Dr. Laura: Hello,
this is Dr. Laura…Who’s this?
Jane: This
is Jane and…
Dr. Laura: Ok! What’s up, Dear?
Jane:
Well, there’s this Tinwhistle
website called Chiff & Fipple and….
Dr. Laura: Don’t
trust it. Sounds fishy to me.
Jane:
No, it’s really nice! Anyway, the guy that runs it is Dale Wisely
and he…….
Dr. Laura:
Throw the bum out of your
house! What are you DOING with that
kind of guy? What were you thinking, Honey??
Jane:
Well…no…I’m not living with
him. He just has this whistle website
and….
Dr. Laura:
It doesn’t matter. Listen to me. Throw him out if you don’t want things to get worse. They WILL
get worse. The guy is not going to
change.
Jane:
But, Ok, anyway…Since I’ve
been visiting his website and getting his newsletter, I…
Dr. Laura:
WAIT. Help me understand this.
You won’t throw the guy out AND your visiting his WEBSITE!!?? What does that say about your judgment, Dear?
Jane: No. You don’t understand….
Dr. Laura:
Oh, I understand! Maybe YOU don’t understand.
Jane:
Anyway, I bought one whistle
and then I read more of his stuff and I bought another, and another and I can’t
seem to stop.
Dr. Laura:
That’s too bad. Tough.
It’s what you get, I must say, for hooking up with this kind of
guy.
Jane: People
on the website say I have WhOA.
Dr. Laura:
Whoa! What’s WhOA? Some kind of
ridiculous psychobabble, new age diagnosis?
Jane: Right.
I think so.
Dr. Laura:
Look, you have to stop. It can’t be that hard. You say to yourself, “stop” and then you
stop and then you put the man out of your house so your children won’t be
exposed to his misbehavior. That’s
called Being a Parent. Get used to it.
Jane: I don’t have any children…
Dr. Laura:
It doesn’t matter. You never will have any if you don’t get him
out of your house and stop buying those whistles. What is this, some kind of kinky thing with the whistles?
Jane:
They’re Tinwhistles. Irish instruments you blow into and….
Dr. Laura: Look,
Honey, it really doesn’t matter.
Jane: But
you asked me….
Dr. Laura:
What’s the address on this
website? I’m checking it out right now.
Jane: Uh…It’s
www.chiffandfipple.com.
Dr. Laura:
Right. Hold on. Here it is. What the hell is this rat doing on the
page? Anyway. Ok. I see. Tinwhistles. Like in the Titanic.
Hmmm. Now, what does he
think? If I want one of these, which do
you think I should buy?
Jane:
Well, Dale thinks you should
start out on a good solid inexpensive model…
Dr. Laura:
Ok, but…wait….there sure are a
lot of them and they’re kinda cute. Ooooh.
They’re really cheap, too!
Wouldn’t it be better to buy, like, a few? You know different colors and different, what, keys or
something? Where can you buy these
things? Because, I have to tell you,
Sweetie, this kinda looks interesting to me….
Jane: Dr.
Laura, are you Ok?
Dr. Laura:
Now, what’s the deal on these
“Low” whistles? Those are kinda big
aren’t they? Hmmm. Should I go ahead and buy one of those now
or wait until I get the hang of the smaller ones? What would you do?
Jane: I just wanted to talk about…
Dr. Laura:
Let’s see, what’s his email
address? I need some advice on this…
Jane: Oh,
nevermind……(click)
Dr. Laura:
Well, Cookie, that’s what happens
when you don’t take responsibility for your actions and you aren’t committed to
your values. This is Dr. Laura, signing
off.
……Now
what’s the difference between a reel and a jig??…….