September 18, 2004

Court Approves Chiff & Fipple on Florida Ballot 

Expected to Draw Votes Away From Ralph Nader

Note:  Apologies to all who receive two (or more) copies of this via email.  I'm working toward consolidating my mailing lists.  Thanks for your patience.)

As it turns out, the Principal Residence of the Undisputed Czar of Tinwhistle Internet Journalism is in Alabama, as are the central editorial and publication offices, as is the vault that contains The Collection.  (By the way, we want to thank RetScan, inc. for their excellent service in installing the new retina scanning security system.) 

the retina of the Undisputed

So, anyway, you may have heard that we had a little thing named Ivan roll through here the other day.  Yeah.  Here's a helpful infographic for you as it pertains to Ivan the Terrible and Dale the Undisputed.

 

Uh, vacation was cancelled.  There's no beach and we're not sure if there's a condo.  Anyway, some of you were kind enough to email and check on us.  We are greatly saddened by the loss of life, the enormous destruction of property, and the problems being experienced by those who are displaced by the hurricane.  We were very lucky.  The only damage to our home was a large section of an oak tree landed on a wooden fence.  Not much damage.  Miraculously, we have

 electricity and never lost it.  Immediately after the storm, 64% of Alabama had no electricity and they are only now slowly getting power reestablished to those homes.  We have vacationed in the Gulf Shores/Orange Beach area of Alabama for 20 years and so are particularly sad to see those communities so devastated.

Although I hardly have enough real whistle news to share with you, I am moved to send out an issue anyway.

 

Hi, I'm Dale Wisely and this is Chiff & Fipple's 6-Hole Theory.

 

I.  FAVORITE TITLE FOR A TRADITIONAL IRISH TUNE

Fran (a nice person as opposed to a nickname for recent hurricane), recently posed this question on the Chiff & Fipple message board.

Does a tune with the name "Granny Hold the Candle While I Shave the Chicken's Lips II" really exist?

True or False?

Could it be or is it just sunspots causing dementia? Maybe I should get out the tin foil hat.

Fran

David O'Brien (whistlemaker), among others, noted that this is in fact a real tune and a real title:

Here it is on The Session:

www.thesession.org/tunes/display.php/2525

I remembered immediately that this tune was also recorded, with a new set of lyrics, by the Godfather of Soul, Mr. James Brown.

Granny Hold the Candle While I Shave the Funky Chicken's Lips, Part II.


Yeowww!
Come on!
I can't stand it!
HEEEYYY!

Granny hold the candle.
I say, Granny, hold that candle.
GRANNY! Please, please hold it.

Got to shave this chicken's lips.
OOWWWWW!
Got to shave this chicken's lips.

Get down, y'all.
Come on!
I can't stand it!
HEEEYYY!

Granny hold the candle.
I say, Granny, hold that candle.
GRANNY! Please, please hold it.

Got to shave this chicken's lips.
OOWWWWW!
Got to shave this chicken's lips.
Get down, y'all.

HIT ME ONE TIME!
(horns blast once)
HIT ME TWO TIMES!!
(horns blast twice)
HIT ME THREE TIMES!!)
(blast, blast, blast)

Granny come here quick.
Got to shave that chicken's lips.

Granny come here quick.
Got to shave that chicken's lips.

(fade out)

Many of you will recall, of course, that Mr. Brown and I have been working together.  (He makes me call him Mr. Brown.  He also can't seem to remember my name.)

 

In the next issue, we'll run a list of YOUR favorite names for Irish Tunes or James Brown songs.  Send 'em in!  The list will be called "Favorite Names for Irish Tunes and James Brown Songs." 

II.  DON'T BELIEVE KITTY KELLEY!

From the Wire Services

Chiff & Fipple, the Internet Tinwhistle empire, did their best, but their attack dogs did not succeed in their campaign to con the media into ignoring Kitty Kelley's new blockbuster,  Whistle Blown: The Real Story of the Chiff & Fipple Dynasty.

The 705-page tome is finally out this week after months of anticipation and already rising on the best-seller lists. Kelley has been all over television and newspapers defending herself and explaining her work. And selling books.

But the C&F retainers did succeed in deflecting a great deal of media comment on Kelley's unauthorized account by accusing her of making stuff up and writing "garbage."

They knew they would have little credibility discrediting the message so they went after the messenger. They tried to turn the famous biographer into a shoddy gossiper who never checks out her stories.

She gossips, all right. But her anonymous sources are only part of the story. Much of what she writes is based on public records and hard-to-get documents. She is one heck of a researcher.

The pre-emptive strike by the C&F legal team, including Chief Counsel Dr. Paul Busman reflects their strategy to divert attention from uncomfortable but substantive issues to narrow sidebars.  (Busman's position as C&F's chief counsel is itself a topic in this book.  Busman, Kelley alleges is not an attorney, but in fact is a whistlemaker/podiatrist.   Wisely's legendary paranoia leads him to choose associates he trusts, rather than those who are best qualified.)

Under a new rule, tinwhistle journalists have the right to prevent the public from ever viewing their papers, even after they have died. This outrageous, draconian policy is typical of the C&F obsession with secrecy.

Kelley writes that "the amount of trepidation I encountered in writing this book was unprecedented ... the potential for retaliation is great. Some people, particularly the C&F interns were afraid to go on the record for fear of losing their jobs, or being reassigned to "swab out the whistles Wisely plays."

Through it all, Kelley renews her reputation as a biographer of the private lives of very public people who don't want us to know what they are really like. She's very skilled at it.

But doing what she does is like poking a stick into a hornet's nest. The holder of the stick gets a nasty reaction from the disturbed occupants, who are predisposed to sting.

After controversial studies of Jacqueline Kennedy, Frank Sinatra, Elizabeth Taylor, Nancy Reagan and the British royal family, and the Bush family, Kelley is an expert at stick-poking.

C&F loyalists accused her of relying too much on unattributed sources. But Wisely and his little cabal of associates refused to cooperate, throwing up endless roadblocks to try to keep her from learning the real story.

Even the Chiff & Fipple Repository of Complimentary & Purchased Whistles, maintained with taxpayer funds, refused to respond to simple requests.  Wisely warned his friends not to talk to her.

The resulting book, however, is a good read.

 

II.  WHISTLE & LEATHER

I've been fooling around with amazon.com's very interesting new search engine, A9.com, and entering "tinwhistle" yielded this as the first-ranked image:



Turns out it's from a website from a European band called "Subway to Sally."

Discuss.

Dale

 

III.  DAVID O'BRIEN WHISTLES review by Jessie Driscoll

A few weeks ago, after an initial introduction on the message board that went a little crazy - having nothing to do with David (see http://chiffboard.mati.ca/viewtopic.php?t=19609 ) - David asked if I would like to check out one of his whistles for review. I said sure, so he sent it and I received it yesterday.

I guess David had read that I don't like the taste or smell of brass or copper, so he sent me a nickel-plated copper d whistle - good move! The outside is nickel-colored and the inside is copper...so you can see red coming through the holes. Very cool.



This one doesn't have a Lucite fipple plug, but rather, a copper one (nickel-plated on the outside).



The outermost tube of the mouthpiece is soldered onto the inner one, and the tuning slide is also soldered on. It is a hefty whistle with a wide bore. He has engraved his name, the number of the whistle, and its key.


The curved windway, made of two consecutively-sized tubes with a piece cut out, looks normal, but the blade isn't a blade at all. It is an almost-flat end of a tube that is about 1.5mm in thickness!



The window is also huge. When I saw it, I thought the whistle would be unbelievably breathy. I said this to my husband, Dan. I told him I was going to hate it.

Then I played it. This whistle, for me, defies physics. It should be totally breathy. It should lack tonal character. But it isn't and it doesn't. It has a sweet and focused, strong but not excessively loud (but loud enough, due to the bore thickness), round and very pleasing tone and it is unbelievably comfortable to play! The bell note is resonant and strong, without breath noise, as is the rest of the first octave. The second octave has very slightly more air sound, but still not more than my favorite Abell. In fact, this whistle, shockingly, plays very similarly to my favorite Abell, which is still my favorite whistle of all time. I am seriously impressed and pleased with this whistle and I think, for the price David charges (something like $50), this is a wonderful mid-range choice (assuming other whistles of his are similar to the one I received). I have to say, honestly, that I think this whistle is what Serpent tried, but failed, to produce. (See http://chiffboard.mati.ca/viewtopic.php?t=7639 ) Bear in mind here that these are handmade and I am sure they vary somewhat.

Something else I have to mention is that Dan, a musician though not a whistle player, can usually pick up a whistle and get basically the same tone out of it that I do (though not a whole tune), which gives me confidence that my reviews will mean something to others, but he could not, after ten minutes of trying, play this whistle without breath noise. I really don't understand why, but my guess was that it was due to the shape of the mouthpiece (which is fine for me) and that he wasn't covering it properly. I suggested that and he tried to cover it more tightly and still couldn't get a tone without air. I suggested he blow harder and softer, and each time it sounded breathy. He agreed with me that it didn't sound breathy when I played it. It isn't difficult for me to play it. So...maybe some people can get to the heart of the tone of this whistle and some can't. I once heard someone refer to a Sindt whistle as breathy! I have to conclude that it was the player and not the instrument, as Sindts are, in my experience, extremely consistent.

But this whistle, with its weird physics, might work for some more than for others. I adore it and will be ordering them in more keys.

David can be reached at the following e-mail address: davidpeterobrien@yahoo.com .
_________________
~JessieD

Thanks to Jessie, a veteran Chiff & Fippler and one of the foremost collectors on the planet.  You can bank on her reviews.

 

III.   BOB TEDROW'S MINI CONCERTINA

Many of you play the concertina and, if so, you probably know something of Bob Tedrow, a long-time expert on the instrument and, in the last few years, maker of fine concertinas.  Here's a link to a description of one of the many visits I've made to Bob's shop. 

Bob is now making a miniature concertina in D.  You wouldn't believe the darn thing.  Here's a picture:

I got a chance to go by and listen to Bob play it and I played "Granny Hold the Candle While I Shave the Chicken's Lips II" on it.  The biggest surprise is the big sound.  It's as loud and robust as any concertina, but with the sweet sound characteristic of all of the best of those instruments.  Bob handmakes virtually everything on these instruments, as well as his full-sized models. 

The concertina is mini and fabulous but the price is not mini.  It takes as much time to build one of these as a full-sized concertina.  But, I tell you, it's a fabulous little instrument and you want one.  I want one. I want you to get one and then give it to me.  Is that so much to ask.

For more specifics and details about this instrument, feel free to contact Bob Tedrow via http:/hmi.homewood.net .

Tell him Dale sent you so he'll know where to send the commission checks

 

 

IV.  BOB II

Bob Pegritz has a second album out, Whistleworks II, featuring sacred music and the sacred finger-style guitar playing of El "El has left the building" McMeen.  We hope to have a review here in the next issue.  But, for those of you who loved Bob's first CD, you can go ahead and grab this one and you won't be disappointed.

Here's Bob's website:

http://www.whistlinggypsy.com

El's selling it on  his website at:

http://www.elmcmeen.com/whistleworks.htm

 

V.  CHIFF & FIPPLE:  DON'T BLOW THE VOTE

Click here for Chiff & Fipple's Voter Registration Drive

Apologies to citizens of other nations than the USA who can't vote.  But, don't you wish, in this case,  you could?

 

VI.  ON THE OTHER HAND.....

Alternate Ways to Choose a US President

a list by Dale Wisely

1. By lottery.
2. Survivor: The Presidential Election Edition.
3. Hot Dog eating contest.
4. Give it to the handler of the next winner of the Westminster Dog Show.
5. Give it to the next winner of the Westminster Dog Show.
6. Oil Wrestling.
7. Outlaw any campaigning of any kind, including fundraising, until 72 hours before the General Election. Then do a 72 hour telethon and then the election. Let Ed McMahon host if he's not deceased. That's plenty of time for the whole deal, including debates, but not enough time to drive us all crazy.
8. Tie both candidates to stakes and douse with syrup. Release ants. Tell them the winner will be the last guy to make a sound. After it's over, tell them we're kidding, and give the Presidency to John McCain.
9. Best Pac Man score.
10. Give it to the candidate who lasts longest in a special kind of dart game I'm still designing in my head.

 

 

VII.  C&F Acronym

Thanks to "caniadafallon" on the message board for drawing our attention to this link, which suggests that the folks at Acronym Finder may not have their priorities straight:

Acronym	Definition
C&F	Cables & Foundations
C&F	Cell and Flare
C&F	Chiff & Fipple (tinwhistles)
C&F	Cost & Feasibility
C&F	Cost and Freight

 

VIII.  HURRICANE RELIEF FUND

https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation-form.asp

 

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Chiff & Fipple is a production of the North Central Alabama Home Gorilla Breeding Association, in association with Red Wolverine Enterprises, and 3Fish Productions.  Our privacy statement is now online.

 

customer service

Having trouble with your whistle? Call Jill at Chiff & Fipple customer service. (Amy is on leave of absence.  We think she might be taking a job at concertina.net behind my back)

 

 

 

 

Lord, help us see how near is your kingdom.